[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by CollinsE90

have you seen the video of that dog in your avatar?

yes i have, it is too adorable. i couldn't handle it

[CollinsE90]

Originally Posted by jh valley

yes i have, it is too adorable. i couldn't handle it

yea i saw it on wimp the other day haha, adorable

[ghosthi32]

Originally Posted by jh valley

thanks for the invite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

radix is rude

[Schm]

I took honors English freshman year, got an A. I <3 wordz.

[radix]

Originally Posted by jh valley

thanks for the invite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gave you a standing invitation for whenever you come to Chicago a long time ago.

[radix]

Originally Posted by ghosthi32

radix is rude

[CollinsE90]

anyone want to proofread my paper?

[UncleWede]

I wouldn't mind reading what you did. I'm pretty clever at catching theres vs theirs vs there's despite the fact that I'm a computer geek.

I'd also be very interested in your final results, I have a different opinion on vaccination than most have entered here so far. My son has SOME vaccinations, but if there is ever a Hep-B outbreak at his school, I want him at home until they find who is swapping bodily fluids with the kids.

[CollinsE90]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I wouldn't mind reading what you did. I'm pretty clever at catching theres vs theirs vs there's despite the fact that I'm a computer geek.

I'd also be very interested in your final results, I have a different opinion on vaccination than most have entered here so far. My son has SOME vaccinations, but if there is ever a Hep-B outbreak at his school, I want him at home until they find who is swapping bodily fluids with the kids.

You might not want to read it haha, because in the last year they retracted that article by the UK doctor stating thimerosal caused children to be exposed to mercury, and he is now banned from practicing medicine. There is ZERO evidence vaccines cause autism, confirmed by the CDC and many harvard professors and so on.

[ghosthi32]

Originally Posted by radix

D'oh

[JayKay335i]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I wouldn't mind reading what you did. I'm pretty clever at catching theres vs theirs vs there's despite the fact that I'm a computer geek.

I'd also be very interested in your final results, I have a different opinion on vaccination than most have entered here so far. My son has SOME vaccinations, but if there is ever a Hep-B outbreak at his school, I want him at home until they find who is swapping bodily fluids with the kids.

Sweet, except that nobody needs to be molesting your child to contract hep b. A simple playground accident or whatnot could easily cause transfer. Per usual, risk > benefit.

Besides, any hep b breakout would most likely be caused BY the unvaccinated kids, with few being affected. You can bank on community immunity, but like I said before, chances are the risks don't outweigh the benefits.

Its like when parents say they don't want their daughters to have the HPV vaccine, because they shouldn't be having sex. Well, that wonderful, but shit happens. If there is a chance to decrease your daughters overall risk for ovarian cancer, why wouldn't you? Same goes for hepatic cancers, if there is a chance to reduce infection/risk, why not?

[CollinsE90]

Im done if anyone wants to read it I will PM them

[BTM]

If its a lot different than when you emailed me this morning send it over again haven't got a chance to look at it...lookin' like probably tomorrow

[CollinsE90]

Originally Posted by BTM

If its a lot different than when you emailed me this morning send it over again haven't got a chance to look at it...lookin' like probably tomorrow

its due tonight, i just submitted after a couple other revised it

Thanks though

[BTM]

NP man GL on the grade

Funny how those slow days at the office can turn into me driving all over chicagoland bc people can't not break shit

[radix]

Oh well, send it to me as well. Now you've piqued my curiosity.

[CollinsE90]

Originally Posted by radix

Oh well, send it to me as well. Now you've piqued my curiosity.

PM'd

Now I have to wait forever to get my grade, im still waiting for the grade from the paper I submitted 3 weeks ago.

[radix]

Alright, I've read your paper, and I'll post my thoughts and opinions here. My reason for doing so is that BTM and perhaps others that have helped you can critique my critique, rebuke my opinions, and set me straight if I fail to mention something. Here is a list of glaring flaws I see in the current revision:


1. Formal technical analysis of a subject should not be written in the first person. Therefore, all references to self such as " I ", "my", etc., should be corrected or elided so that the paper no longer has any first person references. If for some reason an opinion or assertion must be offered on a subject or made, then it should probably be prefixed with. "In the opinion of author" or, "It is the opinion of the author", rather than "In my opinion". Ideally, however, the paper should contain no such references.


2. Assertions and/or opinions should generally be avoided or omitted. If, for some reason, you feel compelled to write something that appears as though it could be an opinion or an assertion, it should be explained or documented through the use of footnotes. E.g.:

In my opinion, parents who took this “theory” seriously and refused to provide their children with the essential vaccines to prevent life-altering diseases were actually subjecting their children to more danger.

If you can find research supporting this conclusion, then by all means mention it, otherwise leave opinions out of your paper.

3. Sometimes your word selection is questionable and/or fits awkwardly with your sentence structure, e.g.:

In conclusion, the vaccination theory has been negated and even retracted.

The words negated and retracted are, in my opinion, a poor choice. The words "vaccination theory" are almost to succinct to convey meaning. Consider this alternative:

In conclusion, the theory that vaccination causes autism has been abandoned by the general medical community.

4. In a few cases you have grammatical or word selection errors:

The situation should teach people that they need to think logically, not swiftly, which is a lesson the whole world can live from.

with minimal correction should read:

This situation should teach people that they need to think logically, not swiftly, which is a lesson the whole world can learn from.

I personally would have written this something like this:

What medical scientists have taken away from the failed attempts to prove the theory that vaccination predicts autism is that the accuracy of a particular conclusion is often times considerably more important than the speed with which it is arrived at.

Although, I have to admit, this still sounds like an assertion and probably should be supported with fact/reference.


5. Write to your strengths. My style of writing, as you've no doubt figured out by now, is often more verbose than that of most people. I often use sentences that while grammatically correct, border on being run-on. The previous two sentences are a good example of what I mean. My writing style is partially a reflection of the manner in which I marshall my thoughts, and partly a reflection of the way I was taught to write by my father. I suspect that a more economical style might suit you better.


Hope this helps.

[CollinsE90]

[CollinsE90]

made a 85 on the paper, ill take that

[schoy]

Originally Posted by radix

1. Formal technical analysis of a subject should not be written in the first person. Therefore, all references to self such as " I ", "my", etc., should be corrected or elided so that the paper no longer has any first person references. If for some reason an opinion or assertion must be offered on a subject or made, then it should probably be prefixed with. "In the opinion of author" or, "It is the opinion of the author", rather than "In my opinion". Ideally, however, the paper should contain no such references.

I know it's too late to comment (and congrats OP on the 85), but, while I agree with the other insights, I disagree with this one. The essay instructions did specifically mention (numerous times in fact) that the writer integrate personal experiences in the argument. In fact, I would go as far as to say that the personal experiences part of the essay is the most important element of this essay (my guess: to stem plagarism). Thus, using "I", "my", etc. would help reinforce the point.

Frankly, when I read the essay instructions, I thought it practically wrote the essay for the OP ...

[CollinsE90]

BUMP

Need someone to proofread a Lit paper analyzing 2 poems, halp