[sasha1015]

Originally Posted by shah269

OK ones rectum and cranium should not occupy the same space at the same time….but apparently for some they are…so I will pull out the main point of my last post with hopes that in the future your reading comprehension improves

However if you ask me, many smart, athletic women can be attractive well into their 40s.

Yes a woman who is older and who is dating a man who is younger is seen as a cougar?
Now I find this offensive and well just don’t get it…I honestly don’t think women need to “settle”.


OK did you get that? was it easy to read? And as for the reason why? I have three good friends who have recently married and these women who are gorgeous and smart and well put together and in their mid 30's tell me that they settled...and I just can’t understand why they did.

And since there are not many women on this forum, I asked what the guys would or would not do. And looking at the raw data and assuming people answered with good intentions…looks like many men have a good idea as to what they want in a life partner and will not delineate from this.

Just wished there were more female thoughts on this subject. But apparently the ladies are shoe shopping or something? Who knows?

I guess women feel they kind of "have to" settle when they are getting older. Maybe they think they want to have kids before theyre 40 yrs old to avoid all of the health risks and be able to watch their kids grow up. I really dont know.
I guess if it was me and i was in my mid to late 30s i would try to find the best i can get as soon as possible for the above reasons (without lowering my standards) Plus i think i would be really lonely being single for that long.
Other than that im really not sure.


Okay back to shoe shopping.... Lol

[grimlock]

lol this thread
besides I'm shocked there are 3/49 women here..
I don't really get what Shah is saying; on one hand he's saying he doesn't get why several of his high-quality women friends have settled, but then he says men only get better while women lose value? So doesn't that choice make sense for them?
But good to see Shah take off the gloves.

[shah269]

sasha1015 THANK YOU!
No please don't go shoe shopping yet...
Two questions? No clue how old you are but say you were in your mid 30's.....and you met a nice guy who was about what you were looking for in his mid 20's...would you be comfortable in being with him? Or are societal pressures too much?
Also...the kids thing? I'm well aware of baby fever.....but is it that nutty?
Thank you

Grim,
well yeah yes nature is kind of our side when it comes to this. We can have kids well into our 60's and society is ok with us dating younger women...so in a way...things look better and better for us up to a given age assuming we have taken care of ourselves and are valued memebers of our society. Women on the otherhand seem to have less options?

[MiddleAgedAl]

I guess it depends on what you mean by "settling", but it's interesting how the assumption is that settling is always a choice. For some it is of course, but for others, well, frankly it isnt a choice.

Fringe exceptions aside, 10s dont usually marry 6's (regardless of which gender is the 6). If one person is a 6 physically, but a 10 financially, that can help a lot, but let's be honest, not many are 10's financially.

If you didnt win the genetic lottery, and you end up with a 6, I'm not sure that's settling. Sure, just cause you are a 6 doesnt mean you dream of marrying another 6; you lust after 10's just like everybody else, but that may not be realistically attainable.

If some guy who was just above average football player in high school ends up getting a real job, is he "settling" because he's not holding out for an NFL contract, or is he realistically making the best of what he's got ?

I know single men & women in their 40's whose standards only include people who are truly well out of their league. They dont want to "settle" either, but it's futile trying to explain to them that dating people who are not self-made millionaire philanthropist swimsuit models is not "settling", especially when they are none of those things themselves.

[KingOfJericho]

Our closest friends are a couple where the guy is 39 and the girl is 25. Her father hates it but they are otherwise perfectly compatible and likely getting married soon. They were fixed up on a blind date by their friends and are both equally good looking (she's a gym teacher, he's a cop and crossfit fanatic). I was also set up on a blind date with my wife because someone thought we would be great for each other. When people like you, they try to hook you up with people they think you may mesh well with. If that's not happening for you, you really should do some self-evaluation.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by shah269

well yeah yes nature is kind of our side when it comes to this. We can have kids well into our 60's and society is ok with us dating younger women...so in a way...things look better and better for us up to a given age assuming we have taken care of ourselves and are valued memebers of our society. Women on the otherhand seem to have less options?

So what is weird with the women settling as they get older?

I see as Jericho and MiddleagedAl have pointed out, the issue of 'settling' is basically a 'expectations' or reality gap between what you think you are worth as a mate, and what you actually are, ordering to the other person who chooses you.
Since everybody would choose the best mate they can (not including those who under-choose for other psychological reasons).
If you think you are a 8, but other ppl rate you as a 6, and you will only 'settle' for a 7-8, then yes, you will probably never find one, UNLESS it is a weirdy 7 or 8 who does not have confidence in maintaining an equal, so deliberately choose a 6 for security reasons.

[shah269]

So what is weird with the women settling as they get older?

I don't think women should!
But these three women I know for some odd reason did at their own will.
One liked tall men who were athletic and had hair on their heads...she went off and married a guy who is short, pudgy and has no hair on his head....makes me look good...and she is not at all turned on by him.

Another was an outgoing woman who loved the out doors and was always on a bike in the woods.....she went off an married a guy who all he does is come home and watches tv and well can't even ride a bike.

The third, use to date guys who were the life of the party! The kind of guys who always were the ones organizing BBQ's and outing and were just fun....she is now married to a guy who is borderline affraid of large groups.

All three women are over the age of 30, all three tell me point blank that they are not turned on by their husbands and all three just have that look of "OMG WTF have I done" in their eyes....and it bothers me...because they are my friends. And i care abou them.

[KingOfJericho]

You hang out with a strange group of people...

[shah269]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

You hang out with a strange group of people...

Better strange than dull.

I just want my friends to be happy...and I can't figure out why they did what they did...w/o sounding like a dick.

[grimlock]

Shah,

Then I think you have pointed out the definition of 'settling' with your own understanding/contradiction of why would high quality ladies 'settle' for SEEMINGLY inferior men? Because in 5 years they will be of equal value, and in 10yrs the guys will have a higher value - when looks don't count but money/career/status does.
Is the contradiction resolved?
People age..

[MiddleAgedAl]

Originally Posted by shah269

Better strange than dull.

I just want my friends to be happy...and I can't figure out why they did what they did...w/o sounding like a dick.

It may be hard for you to be objective if you really do care about them, but, is it remotely possible that what these ladies want is beyond their reach?

The first one wants tall, athletic, good hair. What is she like? Is she the type who could normally not get much better than short,bald, pudgy? Without knowing these other people, the question had to be asked.

[shah269]

Well......here is the thing...these women dated what they wanted...for a long time they dated what made them happy...and then all of a sudden...they hit 30...kind of freak out and grab the first man that walked by.....who is nothing what they dated and what made them happy. And now a few years later....when talking to me....they tell me point blank how unhappy they are....or how they are conflicted.

I recall one friend said "I love him, but not in a sexual manner"
that right there hurt my head.....so you love the guy but never want to have sex with him because his body does not turn you on? And you expect it to work out in the long run?

[sasha1015]

If i really liked him and felt that he was mature enough and genuinely was happy with him (even if he is 10 years younger than me) Then there is nothing wrong with that!

About the baby fever.... Mehhhh i really dont know... Im 23 and i definitely want kids before im 30.
A lot of girls my age feel the same (at least from my friends). But at the same time i have heard from people that they dont really care about that. So im not really sure.
Hope this answers ur questions.

[KingOfJericho]

Women tend to be more attracted to security and stability as they themselves mature. A club junkie with frosted tips might be sexy when you're 21, but when you're 31 and looking to settle down, priorities shift from who can bang you best to who offers the most stability. It's just reality.

Think of it like this: What's more fun than a sportbike? Just blasting all over the place smiling from ear to ear. That's the frosted tips guy. If you have to settle with one car for the rest of your life, it'll probably be a 335xi. It's fast enough to get your blood pumping but it's practical enough to support a family.

[Templar]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

You hang out with a strange group of people...

Please, he doesn't have any friends...

[grimlock]

Maybe it is asking too much to be sexually attracted to AND be a stable, providing mate.
Even if she/he was the hottest thing on earth, you would still get tired of hitting it, why do celebrities/atheletes cheat with the maid/nanny?
Monagomy does not work sexually for either men or women, but when you're not having sex monagomy works.. just the way humans are made.. CAN'T HAVE IT ALL

[shah269]

100% we can't have it all but...we can at least do our best to find someone who inspires us to be better.

[grieverr]

Damn, Shah! the words companionship, partner, love, family, or respect did not come up in any of your posts.

Just saying...

[shah269]

Yeah just noticed that...maybe....i'm just too jaded.
On the list i have on my kitchen wall of what i'm looking for in my future partner....those words are not listed....I just assumed that those traits were a given?

[MiddleAgedAl]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

What's more fun than a sportbike? Just blasting all over the place smiling from ear to ear. That's the frosted tips guy. If you have to settle with one car for the rest of your life, it'll probably be a 335xi. It's fast enough to get your blood pumping but it's practical enough to support a family.

And that progression works great for many people, especially if they really rode that bike hard and got it out of their system when they were younger. The 335 is, as you say, exciting enough, for their life now. The need for speed is not what it once was.

But for others, they must buy the 335, and it works fine for driving the kids around, but they just cant seem to shake the rush they got from the bike. That voice in the back of their head wont stop, so eventually they give in, and get a sport bike to ride on the weekends. They cannot do without the rush of power of the bike and the comfort/safety of the car.
But, the garage aint big enough for both.... and going back to 1 vehicle is EXPENSIVE.

And that, ladies & gentlemen, is why the nicest car at my last track day was driven by a divorce lawyer !

Sounds like Shahs friends are well on their way to helping a Ferrari salesman meet his quota.

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by grieverr

Damn, Shah! the words companionship, partner, love, family, or respect did not come up in any of your posts.

Just saying...

Originally Posted by shah269

Yeah just noticed that...maybe....i'm just too jaded.
On the list i have on my kitchen wall of what i'm looking for in my future partner....those words are not listed....I just assumed that those traits were a given?

Those are the only traits that really matter and until you realize that, you're going to be lonely or in a superficial relationship.

[BRAISKI]

Yes I plan too, in my early 30s and I'm very happy to be single for the past few years. I do go on dates regularly and have about 6 FWB, so my needs are being fulfilled. some girls I go out with sometimes wants "more".

Maybe I haven't met "the one" yet, probably one day...

Women would prob settle around 35 as the biological clock is ticking fast.