[RagingKileak]

12:34. Saturday 7th Feb. This story could be in full or in part fictional. I dont condone breaking the speed limit.

I'm on the M1 heading South, I've passed the Wakefield, Denby Dale and Barnsley exits, so I know I am near my destination now and I cant wait. I couldn't sleep and so drove from my flat outside Leeds - its not far at this time of night.

This is a regular occurence for me; a lack of sleep. Usually I get up and play games on a console or the laptop, maybe listen to music and read a book or on a special occasion, I go for a short drive. But tonight I have no work tomorrow, and I'm especially restless.

I know I am getting close to the A57 exit and I turn off the motorway. Snake Pass. I feel nervous and excited, I'm by myself and I know that with the weather as it is at this time of night, if I make a mess of something I am going to end up in a real pickle, if not dead. But dying is part of living, so traction control is coming off.

Plenty of people commute between Sheffield and Manchester this way and have done since about 1800 - I have been here myself many times, stuck in queues of traffic or behind a truck but tonight is going to be different because noone else is here - noone else will dare because its -2 outside and this road is insanely dangerous!!

By now I heading through Penistone village, a series of irritating new roundabouts and a few pubs I recognise remind me I am getting close to the promised land.

I reach for the I-Drive and turn off Dab - I know it will cut out up here - and I change to analogue and select Galaxy... Some sort of dirty Bassline type music, its not my choice, but its pumping and it seems likely to set this drive off nicely so I leave it on.

I set traction control to half, and put the auto box into sport. The houses are starting to thin now and I remember from coming here in the day that I will be in open countryside before I know it. Streetlamps reflect the icy cold of the road and I begin to test the traction a little, swinging into corners faster and more sharply than is neccesary, the 335D feels steady, reassuringly heavy, and then as I accelerate I can feel a slight pull, a slight chirp of the tyres and each time I learn what to expect.

A steep uphill dual carriageway with trees on either side breaks into open countryside, fields of blue snow under the moonlight on either side and still only me to enjoy it.

Wide sweeping bends and fast long straights soon give up to tight and frequent right angle turns to left and then right again as the hills climb away on either side. Aside from the road and the roar of my engine, only dry stone walls snaking into the hills and the occasional farm house give away any sign of human life. A briefly uncontrollable slide on a dangerously quick S bend snaps me back to reality, a plunging downhill section, a steep drop on the left and a quarry on the right, then trees and into a valley - an amazing sight.

A left turn ahead leads to Glossop, this is new to me and I act on impulse turning down onto what is basically a single track road - tiny bridges and ridiculously sharp and narrow turns cut into the hills. The fields to my right are still plastered in snow and to the left, a dense hedge of trees and bushes. The camber on this road is crazy, first left and then right, over steep crests that leave the rear wheels confused and the traction control light flashing. I let up only slightly whilst the car settles, no danger of a spin here, and my confidence is building.

I reach Glossop and turn back, all the more able to control the car which is still a marvel to me. Not ideally suited to this tiny, single track back road but still more than capable of handling the cambers and deep pot holes thrown at her. The strangely hypnotic music is still pumping, providing a perfect soundtrack to my adventure - when a straight presents itself and my foot depresses the loud pedal its amazing how such a large car bursts into life - I look down at the dials, both RPM and MPH climbing alarmingly fast on these short, sprint like straight sections in between each of the extreme, deadly corners. Still I cant help but notice the word 'Diesel' behind the fuel guage.

Diesel - this car is powered by a dirty bi-product and I cant help but marvel at how much power I can apply through the rear wheels. Back onto the A57 now, a little tired. I need to head back.

Still confident, still pumped with adrenaline and confidence I approach the wider, more sweeping bends at speeds which make me feel like I am warping time and space itself, still kept on guard by the sharper, more enclosed turns - protected only by a tiny wall from a drop of hundreds of feet into Oblivion.

A Nissan Micra. I keep my distance, awaiting my turn. I change the station to Radio 1. A hard house remix of 'I kissed a Girl' which suits me for now. The opportunity comes and my right foot is firmly depressed, the car leaps onto the oncoming carriageway with the slightest twitch of the steering wheel. The Micra is alongside and then behind me in seconds, he flashes to show his annoyance - I wonder why, but its of no consequence - within a moment he is lost and gone forever.

Back to Penistone. Back on the M1, but this time Northbound. Then off again to cut through Wakefield.

Driving much more slowly now, relaxing and taking in those strangely private sights that you only have time for when night driving on your own. Harratts Volvo - draped in blue light in strange contrast to the neighbouring peoples houses, some lit up but most not - the occupents long since in bed. Not even McDonalds is open - but its still lit, red and yellow against the night.

Traffic lights half my progress, more coloured lights on a Jet garage, this time blue and yellow. A Police car waits opposite with a hugely fat copper in one side, and a gorgeous blonde in the other seat. She looks bored so I stare at her and put a cocky smile on.

She looks back, I dont know whether she is looking at me or the £40,000 piece of black metal that enshrouds me. I dont really care what she is thinking. All I can think about is what she would look like bent over my bonnet - naughty I know, but I feel predatory, its the BMW's fault; it brings out the best and the worst in me and I think the WPC knows it. She is smiling now, but the lights are green so unfortunately for her she will have to go back to listening to fatty ramble on about when he could chase criminals on foot - in 1980.

And so I arrive back at the flat. I still love this car. I love getting this much MPG and yet being able to drive like I did tonight. I love it when women stare and cant help themselves.

Maybe now I can sleep.

Night peeps!

Matt

[G33]

nicely written mate really enjoyed reading that. must have taken u ages?!

youre defintely brave to take the car out in the current extreme conditions, my car hasnt left the garage for a week maybe? hope youre having a good nights sleep after your escapade

[Hotcoupe]

Great writing Matt, and a good read

[M3-FAST]

Wicked post! Makes for very good reading, excellent

[FieldingMellish]

Heh. Be careful on that Snake Pass, that's a dangerous road. I know Glossop well, nice part of the country.

So you not only have a 335D, and a four bedroom house, but a flat near Leeds as well? You must be coining it in!

No wonder you have the confidence to stare at bored-looking blondes! Fair play to you.

:-)

[RagingKileak]

Cheers gents!

The flat is rented, and only tiny!

The house isn't quite finished yet, move in on the 28th of feb with the missus - cant wait.

Its a long story but we lived there for two years, broke up, started renovations we had planned to make money - i moved out. Now 6 months on and its nearly done and we are back together which is great!

Matt.

[beemerbird]

You're mad lol.........good little story though with an appropriate description about some of the excellent driving roads in a great county

Also like your optimism re. the value of your car, I'll try thinking that way, sod the doom and gloom merchants.

Don't believe you're the age you claim though.

[- Paul -]

Driving at night in minus temps on snake pass = mental!!! Good road if you can get a clear run though.

[RagingKileak]

lol, it cost 40k and whichever way up you look at it, 8 out of 10 cats dont know any better when it comes to big shiny cars!!

I am 26 in March!!!

Matt

[beemerbird]

good point

So, what's all this shite about younger people not being able to spell and string a sentence together these days then.........this 'grumpy old woman' has been misinformed me thinks.

[RagingKileak]

lol... Hmm well to be fair I spend most of my day writing Bid Proposals and Service Delivery Documents so I have to be able to type quickly and accurately!!

I will prove it one day because as I mentioned in another post, there is a lot of work coming on this car and I am hoping it will be mag featured etc...

I dont do pics etc very well, im not on facebook etc so thats why I have never stuck anthing up of the car.

Also with the house/flat situation, well frankly I just dont feel like I have a proper home office space so I have not bothered to set up all the data transfer kit etc (yeah I know its just a cable)

But dont worry, I am 26 (in march), the 335D is real, and the house has a pool table in the garage so its game on at mine (legitimately) if a few local members wanna pop round sometime.

Matt

[beemerbird]

Hey, all due respect to you Matt, nice one.

My big sis who now lives abroad has asked me to do facebook........not my thing.

Look forward to seeing all the mods then and obviously you're enjoying the 'big D'. I was talking to a bloke the other day about my fond memories of owning an E92 335d (especially after having it re-mapped ). He said "Yeah, but it's still a diesel". I tried to explain but knew I was more or less wasting my breath, so basically told him NOT to compare it to a sodding Ford Escort van etc and until he'd even driven one, not to talk out of his arse!!

I think 'game on' executing all the twisty stuff around your way sounds like a plan.

Helen.

[RagingKileak]

Its really good living here I think - North Yorkshire, South Yorkshire, the Pennines etc all in easy 'quick drive' distance and then allsorts for the more driving focused weekend away too - Lakes etc!

Love it round here!

Matt

[Gibbo]

Sounds like a good night out - but just think how much more fun it would have been in a Cayman S.

[SiKkBaSs]

Very good read man, you got balls to drive there at night

[Steve748]

Excellent write up only slightly spoiled by the unnecessary use of the dreaded 'B' word

[RagingKileak]

Originally Posted by Steve748

Excellent write up only slightly spoiled by the unnecessary use of the dreaded 'B' word

Nope, I am at a loss!!

Matt

[dxb335d]

Nice write up Matt. I felt as if I were there with you... and the blonde. LOL joke.

How much was your house up there?

[NFS]

Originally Posted by dxb335d

Nice write up Matt. I felt as if I were there with you... and the blonde. LOL joke.

How much was your house up there?

I was a bit worried that it was going to turn into one of those 'readers letters' moments that you get in certain mens magazines.

[dxb335d]

LOL @ Simon haha. Yeah... Matt, you really should have nailed it away from the lights so they tugged you and then you could have asked for her number.

[Porscha!]

Snake Pass, great road Don't know it that well, know the Cat better, which I have done fairly late into the night (twice different cars) started out from Wilmslow about 10.30 pm, cained it round the Cat in my old '44 and not so old BMW Must do it again soon in the MR2 but not in this weather

[RagingKileak]

Originally Posted by dxb335d

LOL @ Simon haha. Yeah... Matt, you really should have nailed it away from the lights so they tugged you and then you could have asked for her number.

OMG.

That would have been sooo fly! lol....

Matt