[aozer]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I'm going to jump in here. I'm 42. I got married in '99 to my children's mother, separated in '08, divorced in early '09, remarried again in '09 and single again in '15. The women of "our" demographic have a whole new world to deal with. Not only are most of them eat up with the social media bullshit just as the younger ladies are, you also have to contend with the whole MILF ideology that the porn industry has created. Every guy older than 17 is trying to get in on the older ladies due to this fantasy and a lot of them take it as an ego trip.

In this day and age, if you try to strike up a conversation with a woman in public you are labeled as a creep. If you ask for a phone number you are referred to social media and usually ignored unless your social media game is strong (basically being fake as hell like the rest of them).

If you try an online dating site don't expect much. You'll get women that throw themselves at you - these are the women that are constantly on these sites and never find a man - stay away from them unless you just want laid. You will also discover the "Why are there no good men left" candidates....these fall into the same category as above. In short, you need to keep in mind (as stated on here before) dating sites for women are like a never-ending carousel of dick for women to choose from. They hold all the cards and it's like a feeding frenzy. They have a continual supply of men trying to get in their pants and this makes them very reluctant to reply to you.

Expect to be ghosted, stood up or straight up ignored as soon as you find someone you like, as they will not stop their search just because they started talking to you and as soon as someone better comes along; you no longer exist to them.

Long story short, learn to get comfortable being by yourself. The dating pool = cesspool these days. People are shallow and no one has any notion of being reliable, dependable or accountable.

I wish I had better news for you. There are plenty of single ladies out there and some good ones, but they are incredibly difficult to find these days.

My advice, keep your emotions locked up tight until you find someone worth sharing them with. If you're a kindhearted person, you'll need to change this quickly.

This is all very accurate. Unfortunately it has turned me into a jaded and bitter person.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

This makes me sad. Is it impossible to meet someone the old fashioned way? In the supermarket, on the street or just during day to day routine?
Are people really so shallow and always looking for something better. I think social media is actually killing society. No one has respect, common decency, manners... What happened to treat people the way you want to be treated. I guess I'm really old.

It is truly sad indeed. We are in the dawn of a new era and social media is in fact destroying society...especially the dating scene. It has been dwindling, from my perspective for about 10 years now and continues a downward spiral.

From a males perspective, it is absolutely advised against to go up to a lady and strike up a conversation now. Used to be that being upfront and having the fortitude to start a conversation was the hard part, now it's much much worse.

People are constantly looking for better. More money, nicer house, nicer car, better body, etc. It's ridiculous at the things men and women will dump someone for....even if there is nothing wrong with what they currently have.

Originally Posted by MKSixer

I'll add a caution to this. The 43, never married and no-children can be a big red flag to some women just as it is to most men. If a woman has this set of stats, I'm thinking crazy cat lady, in situ or in the making. What's wrong here? I think Chihuahua needs to be able to clearly elucidate his situation and be up-front. Not that an explanation is needed, it's just a potential challenge for a lot of women. Trust me on this.

This is a good point that I overlooked. Chihuahua you're going to need to be able to put a positive spin on why for the ladies but honestly, to me it sounds like you're going to have no problems. you'll wade through a sea of shit to find what you're looking for, but you'll be fine.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

This makes me sad. Is it impossible to meet someone the old fashioned way? In the supermarket, on the street or just during day to day routine?
Are people really so shallow and always looking for something better. I think social media is actually killing society. No one has respect, common decency, manners... What happened to treat people the way you want to be treated. I guess I'm really old.

I met one that way last year, IRL. Attorney, gorgeous, great body...very smart. Biggest drinker I've EVER seen. EVER. At least 2 bottles of wine per day.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

You know what, I actually don't think that's the case. Maybe because im in a college town or people have a rough idea of each other's backgrounds here (same college, similar backgrounds kinda thing) but it's not impossible to meet people in person here...

I've yet to meet "dating material" here sure but i also have never been directed to her instagram/fb/etc, nowadays yes you first get her snap and THEN her number, but i've met more than a few at my local coffee shop (not starbucks)

and @not_rudi i never thought of the milf scene like that honestly, good insight my man. i can definitely see if/when these young kids hit on older women (myself included you guys know my tendencies by now haha) that'd boost their ego out the orbit...

I can see how the demographic can be different in each area, but for the most part, it's very difficult for women (and I'll go as far as to say those eat up with the social media disease) to be approached.

The women my age that I talk to constantly complain about guys younger than their children trying to hit on them/sending dick pics via social media "fishing." Some really get off on it and some see it as disgustingly as it is.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I can see how the demographic can be different in each area, but for the most part, it's very difficult for women (and I'll go as far as to say those eat up with the social media disease) to be approached.

The women my age that I talk to constantly complain about guys younger than their children trying to hit on them/sending dick pics via social media "fishing." Some really get off on it and some see it as disgustingly as it is.

i mean yeah, here i have a prime advantage of acting like i'm chatting her up for class or bc she's in line for coffee etc you know? in the market there's no way of a woman knowing if the guy is broke or a billionaire (or other two extremes)


maybe its me being young and still a bit idealistic here, but honestly i'd even go as far as saying doing a cold approach is good because that sets the tone of "hey i think youre hot so im shooting my shot" = instant boost of confidence in her mind, of course my sample is from a very small town with many commonalities, don't know if it'd work this "well" in the real world

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I can see how the demographic can be different in each area, but for the most part, it's very difficult for women (and I'll go as far as to say those eat up with the social media disease) to be approached.

The women my age that I talk to constantly complain about guys younger than their children trying to hit on them/sending dick pics via social media "fishing." Some really get off on it and some see it as disgustingly as it is.

This.

One that I went on a few dates with shared that even her son-in-law tried to fk her when her daughter was asleep in another room. Not hit on her, fk her...full court press. She threw them both out immediately and he wasn't allowed back in the house. This is how crazy dating in this demographic can be.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

This.

One that I went on a few dates with shared that even her son-in-law tried to fk her when her daughter was asleep in another room. Not hit on her, fk her...full court press. She threw them both out immediately and he wasn't allowed back in the house. This is how crazy dating in this demographic can be.

excuse me what the fuck?

what in fuck's name do you have to go through to think raping your wife's mom is a good idea? (or anyone for that matter)

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

excuse me what the fuck?

what in fuck's name do you have to go through to think raping your wife's mom is a good idea? (or anyone for that matter)

I know. Absolutely insane but not the craziest thing that's occurred in this world in the past year.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

excuse me what the fuck?

what in fuck's name do you have to go through to think raping your wife's mom is a good idea? (or anyone for that matter)

It's very common now. I think that much of this has to do with unrealistic portrayal of the porn industry, which ties into how tainted the dating scene is now. Oddly enough, there are plenty of these types of people out there though.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

I know. Absolutely insane but not the craziest thing that's occurred in this world in the past year.

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

It's very common now. I think that much of this has to do with unrealistic portrayal of the porn industry, which ties into how tainted the dating scene is now. Oddly enough, there are plenty of these types of people out there though.

dude still though - i wouldnt doubt for a second there's a porn title "CREEPING ON MY WIFE'S MOM" but you don't do that

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

dude still though - i wouldnt doubt for a second there's a porn title "CREEPING ON MY WIFE'S MOM" but you don't do that

MY FRIEND said that genre is called Family ties, or Mom's teaching teens.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

MY FRIEND said that genre is called Family ties, or Mom's teaching teens.

that's different though
that's when the guy is getting it on with his "girlfriend", and while cleaning (as you do) the mom walks in, comments on her daughter's style and shows the "correct" way of doing stuff

there's a HUGE difference between trying to fuck your mother in law vs her helping her daughter out in a film set

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

I'll add a caution to this. The 43, never married and no-children can be a big red flag to some women just as it is to most men. If a woman has this set of stats, I'm thinking crazy cat lady, in situ or in the making. What's wrong here? I think Chihuahua needs to be able to clearly elucidate his situation and be up-front. Not that an explanation is needed, it's just a potential challenge for a lot of women. Trust me on this.

Yep, I've had the same thoughts. I basically hit the reset button on my life in 2006. Moved to FL, new job, bought a house, etc., all things that you can 'manufacture' from scratch. I foolishly at age 30 thought you could manufacture feelings for someone too. I won't say the past 13 years were bad, but if I'm being candid I was living a bit disingenuously. I was always faithful, and for all intents and purposes I was married sans the paperwork. The S.O. and I hit a rough patch a few years ago due to certain life circumstances, and I just recently decided to end it as we were no longer adding value to each others' lives. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Up until now I had never been the one to break someone's heart, I was always the recipient in that equation; It's absolutely brutal knowing that you just crushed someone. Every other facet of my life is exactly where I want it to be, now my mission in life is to find someone to share it with, and I of course now know it can't be just anyone. I hope that being 43, never married, and no children isn't a red flag for some, but I can understand why it could be. The obvious assumption is that I'm a player or not serious about life, both of which could not be further from the truth. I'll be snowboarding out west all of next week, this trip could not have come at a better time. Off I go to see what life has in store for me. Wish me luck.

TL;DR - love stinks.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Yep, I've had the same thoughts. I basically hit the reset button on my life in 2006. Moved to FL, new job, bought a house, etc., all things that you can 'manufacture' from scratch. I foolishly at age 30 thought you could manufacture feelings for someone too. I won't say the past 13 years were bad, but if I'm being candid I was living a bit disingenuously. I was always faithful, and for all intents and purposes I was married sans the paperwork. The S.O. and I hit a rough patch a few years ago due to certain life circumstances, and I just recently decided to end it as we were no longer adding value to each others' lives. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Every other facet of my life is exactly where I want it to be, now my mission in life is to find someone to share it with, and I of course now know it can't be just anyone. I hope that being 43, never married, and no children isn't a red flag for some, but I can understand why it could be. The obvious assumption is that I'm a player or not serious about life, both of which could not be further from the truth. So off I go to see what life has in store for me. Wish me luck.

TL;DR - love stinks.

im sure any woman with half a brain can figure out you don't not take life seriously if you're doing well for yourself...

then again i don't think if you're looking for someone to share your life with you're not really looking for looks without brains

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Yep, I've had the same thoughts. I basically hit the reset button on my life in 2006. Moved to FL, new job, bought a house, etc., all things that you can 'manufacture' from scratch. I foolishly at age 30 thought you could manufacture feelings for someone too. I won't say the past 13 years were bad, but if I'm being candid I was living a bit disingenuously. I was always faithful, and for all intents and purposes I was married sans the paperwork. The S.O. and I hit a rough patch a few years ago due to certain life circumstances, and I just recently decided to end it as we were no longer adding value to each others' lives. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Every other facet of my life is exactly where I want it to be, now my mission in life is to find someone to share it with, and I of course now know it can't be just anyone. I hope that being 43, never married, and no children isn't a red flag for some, but I can understand why it could be. The obvious assumption is that I'm a player or not serious about life, both of which could not be further from the truth. So off I go to see what life has in store for me. Wish me luck.

TL;DR - love stinks.

You're good to go. You were in a LTR which lasted 13 years. Just a little touch on that will take care of any challenges which may have arisen.

Don't look for a mate, rather be the best you and it will attract the right type. Be picky. Don't settle for less that you want and be upfront about your likes and dislikes. That's the great thing about dating as an adult...you don't have to play games. Everything can be direct and out front. Game playing is where it all goes wrong.

You don't need luck. Just be the best you.
Cheers-mk

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Yep, I've had the same thoughts. I basically hit the reset button on my life in 2006. Moved to FL, new job, bought a house, etc., all things that you can 'manufacture' from scratch. I foolishly at age 30 thought you could manufacture feelings for someone too. I won't say the past 13 years were bad, but if I'm being candid I was living a bit disingenuously. I was always faithful, and for all intents and purposes I was married sans the paperwork. The S.O. and I hit a rough patch a few years ago due to certain life circumstances, and I just recently decided to end it as we were no longer adding value to each others' lives. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Up until now I had never been the one to break someone's heart, I was always the recipient in that equation; It's absolutely brutal knowing that you just crushed someone. Every other facet of my life is exactly where I want it to be, now my mission in life is to find someone to share it with, and I of course now know it can't be just anyone. I hope that being 43, never married, and no children isn't a red flag for some, but I can understand why it could be. The obvious assumption is that I'm a player or not serious about life, both of which could not be further from the truth. I'll be snowboarding out west all of next week, this trip could not have come at a better time. Off I go to see what life has in store for me. Wish me luck.

TL;DR - love stinks.

I applaud you sir. Enjoy your trip and your new journey.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

You're good to go. You were in a LTR which lasted 13 years. Just a little touch on that will take care of any challenges which may have arisen.

Don't look for a mate, rather be the best you and it will attract the right type. Be picky. Don't settle for less that you want and be upfront about your likes and dislikes. That's the great thing about dating as an adult...you don't have to play games. Everything can be direct and out front. Game playing is where it all goes wrong.

You don't need luck. Just be the best you.
Cheers-mk

No better advice than this right here.

[gatorfast]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Yep, I've had the same thoughts. I basically hit the reset button on my life in 2006. Moved to FL, new job, bought a house, etc., all things that you can 'manufacture' from scratch. I foolishly at age 30 thought you could manufacture feelings for someone too. I won't say the past 13 years were bad, but if I'm being candid I was living a bit disingenuously. I was always faithful, and for all intents and purposes I was married sans the paperwork. The S.O. and I hit a rough patch a few years ago due to certain life circumstances, and I just recently decided to end it as we were no longer adding value to each others' lives. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Up until now I had never been the one to break someone's heart, I was always the recipient in that equation; It's absolutely brutal knowing that you just crushed someone. Every other facet of my life is exactly where I want it to be, now my mission in life is to find someone to share it with, and I of course now know it can't be just anyone. I hope that being 43, never married, and no children isn't a red flag for some, but I can understand why it could be. The obvious assumption is that I'm a player or not serious about life, both of which could not be further from the truth. I'll be snowboarding out west all of next week, this trip could not have come at a better time. Off I go to see what life has in store for me. Wish me luck.

TL;DR - love stinks.

Why did you not get married in those 13 years?

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by gatorfast

Why did you not get married in those 13 years?

Oh boy.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

Oh boy.

I think it's a valid question and one that he for sure will be asked.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by gatorfast

Why did you not get married in those 13 years?

Originally Posted by MKSixer

Oh boy.

Fear of full commitment to something that I knew deep down wasn't what I thought it was. My libertarian political leanings also likely played a role.

[gatorfast]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Fear of full commitment to something that I knew deep down wasn't what I thought it was. My libertarian political leanings also likely played a role.

Got ya. Just parlaying on what MKsix said earlier about the red flags of your situation to a potential mate, I would say this greatly adds to that. Never having been married at 43 is one thing but then finding out you were in a very long-term relationship which didnt result in marriage is another. Makes it seem as if you are afraid to commit (which you basically said you are).

Hope you dont take this the wrong way as I dont mean any of this to be mean spirited. Just trying to point out factors and questions which will likely arise the next time you meet someone special.