[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by ******

So, I’m half in the bag, as I type wiyone finger... a little unusual for moi...but I regress. If she’ll fuck you as if that was no big deal, she’ll fuck the next guy just as easily... when its time to really pick one to settle down with, that’s my advice...

sensible advice, but honestly let alone that long term i don't see myself with this girl after school ends and summer break begins, even if at that really

[F30lolz]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

sensible advice, but honestly let alone that long term i don't see myself with this girl after school ends and summer break begins, even if at that really

Always say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. Works every time

[Turkish Pickle]

boys i need help
she tries to make conversation through text, not only do i really hate that (i only text my friends or girls for when/where stuff) but i explicitly told her i'm not a good texter and that i dont like it in general

wat do? it's kinda nice i guess that she "cares" to ask me how my day went but yeah... not my vibe at all, especially because it's a sunday and i didn't do shit other than watch the turkish elections

[aozer]

so i got flaked on by some chick who said the guy she has been dating for a few months just asked to be exclusive. probably dodged a bullet on that one. but, have another date lined up for thursday so fuck her.

also, fuck girls who match on bumble but dont bother sending a mesage. just dont match with me in the first place if thats how its gonna be.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by aozer

so i got flaked on by some chick who said the guy she has been dating for a few months just asked to be exclusive. probably dodged a bullet on that one. but, have another date lined up for thursday so fuck her.

also, fuck girls who match on bumble but dont bother sending a mesage. just dont match with me in the first place if thats how its gonna be.

preach
literally beats the purpose of bumble

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

boys i need help
she tries to make conversation through text, not only do i really hate that (i only text my friends or girls for when/where stuff) but i explicitly told her i'm not a good texter and that i dont like it in general

wat do? it's kinda nice i guess that she "cares" to ask me how my day went but yeah... not my vibe at all, especially because it's a sunday and i didn't do shit other than watch the turkish elections

I'd reiterate your sentiments on the texting business. Just be straight forward and let her know that if she wants to have a conversation to call. This shit drives me batty too. A couple of quick messages to wrap up details I'm ok with, but I have far too much shit to do to sit peck at a phone keyboard to carry a conversation. Text conversations can take hours to summarize the same content that an actual phone call can wrap up in less than 10 minutes. Also hard to determine tone/sarcasm via text. That shit is the devil.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by aozer

so i got flaked on by some chick who said the guy she has been dating for a few months just asked to be exclusive. probably dodged a bullet on that one. but, have another date lined up for thursday so fuck her.

also, fuck girls who match on bumble but don't bother sending a message. just dont match with me in the first place if that's how its gonna be.

Not on any dating apps and haven't been for a long time, but from what I gathered when I was is that this is nothing more than a tool for women to feel better about themselves. Most have no intention of ever speaking to you, they just want the validation that someone thinks they are attractive.....AND would potentially chat with someone in the event that the other person is a social media/dating app superstar, but these individuals are generally more shallow than the women chasing them.

It's the continual carousel of meaningless conversation and even more meaningless sex to be had from dating apps.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I'd reiterate your sentiments on the texting business. Just be straight forward and let her know that if she wants to have a conversation to call. This shit drives me batty too. A couple of quick messages to wrap up details I'm ok with, but I have far too much shit to do to sit peck at a phone keyboard to carry a conversation. Text conversations can take hours to summarize the same content that an actual phone call can wrap up in less than 10 minutes. Also hard to determine tone/sarcasm via text. That shit is the devil.

Dude yes, I told her this and she was literally taken aback like "oh wow he's okay with me calling him!!!" kinda expression on her face.

I can't say I'm a fan of that either because if I'm unavailable it's because i'm unavailable to chat...
The clinginess isn't helping either, will post some screenshots I sent to my boys hahah

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Not on any dating apps and haven't been for a long time, but from what I gathered when I was is that this is nothing more than a tool for women to feel better about themselves. Most have no intention of ever speaking to you, they just want the validation that someone thinks they are attractive.....AND would potentially chat with someone in the event that the other person is a social media/dating app superstar, but these individuals are generally more shallow than the women chasing them.

It's the continual carousel of meaningless conversation and even more meaningless sex to be had from dating apps.

100% agree, but at least on paper tinder is for the ego boost, humble forces the girl to text you first. as a man you absolutely can not text the other side first.

lowkey, looking back i can definitely see how the old me was obnoxious (wonder why i realized there was a problem and changed some stuff around) in terms of texting almost 24/7. it's repulsive at best and only gets the other person away from you than do anything else

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

Dude yes, I told her this and she was literally taken aback like "oh wow he's okay with me calling him!!!" kinda expression on her face.

I can't say I'm a fan of that either because if I'm unavailable it's because i'm unavailable to chat...
The clinginess isn't helping either, will post some screenshots I sent to my boys hahah


100% agree, but at least on paper tinder is for the ego boost, humble forces the girl to text you first. as a man you absolutely can not text the other side first.

lowkey, looking back i can definitely see how the old me was obnoxious (wonder why i realized there was a problem and changed some stuff around) in terms of texting almost 24/7. it's repulsive at best and only gets the other person away from you than do anything else

I'm picking up red flags and flashing lights all around this chick man. Something tells me she's never really had a "decent" man in her life and the meat hooks are primed, cocked and loaded looking for a subject to be deployed into. Just the vibe I'm getting. I'd be careful with this one.

For a younger guy you seem pretty classy....well educated, intelligent and well spoken. You'll either encounter the meat hooks and learn to avoid them or you'll just be a natural at spotting it early and avoiding them all the way around. When I was younger, I liked the attention from the ladies so I took the good with the bad....and got roped into some pretty difficult situations. Keep your wits about you, keep your emotions in check, use your brain (not your heart or your other head) and you too can avoid the clingers.

The only clinger that isn't bad is the one that you enjoy being with.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I'm picking up red flags and flashing lights all around this chick man. Something tells me she's never really had a "decent" man in her life and the meat hooks are primed, cocked and loaded looking for a subject to be deployed into. Just the vibe I'm getting. I'd be careful with this one.

For a younger guy you seem pretty classy....well educated, intelligent and well spoken. You'll either encounter the meat hooks and learn to avoid them or you'll just be a natural at spotting it early and avoiding them all the way around. When I was younger, I liked the attention from the ladies so I took the good with the bad....and got roped into some pretty difficult situations. Keep your wits about you, keep your emotions in check, use your brain (not your heart or your other head) and you too can avoid the clingers.

The only clinger that isn't bad is the one that you enjoy being with.

appreciate the comments man
but yeah, something tells me this is the kind of girl my mom warned me about as funny as that sounds

honestly its not even the attention i like as you can tell, if anything im really not fond of it at all. other than her horniness i couldn't tell you what's really alluring about her and even that's kinda bordering creepy at this point

you live and you learn though, there's only so much reading or hearing can help with this stuff. the most i've done with her is give her a hug before and after the date and i'm very sure it'll stay that way. something tells me if i get involved it'll only get worse and i can't seriously remember the time my gut was telling me off for no reason...

what are some tells though? i'd love to learn more about these so i at least have an idea what to look for

[******]

Originally Posted by F30lolz

Always say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. Works every time

Good one, George...

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

what are some tells though? i'd love to learn more about these so i at least have an idea what to look for

The first one that comes to mind is insecurity. If a woman is insecure she IS clingy. No exception. We as humans need to feel wanted. Insecure women will go out of their way to get this dopamine boost of feeling wanted and/or needed. This goes hand in hand with number two which is overachieving to get your attention. This will be done by buying gifts, calling/texting way more than they should, making something that should be a small simple gesture into something grand. Both are HUGE red flags of this behavior.

Other traits not limited to:
Social Media Stalking - also asking lots of questions about your posts, other peoples comments or who people are.....in short this goes back to insecurity.

Inviting themselves to be somewhere you are, especially in public. If you've been dating for a while and time spent together is limited, as it can be, this is acceptable; in the early stages of dating, it is not.

Acts upset, sad or jealous if you go out without them - jealousy

Doesn't like anyone that you know that is more attractive than they are - again jealousy

Being too quiet or withholding their opinion, when you know they have one, in hopes of not upsetting you.

Suddenly not hanging out with their friends anymore or alienating themselves from their own clique, crew, squad whatever the youngsters call their posse these days.

Constant reassurance of how you feel. If they are constantly asking for your approval this causes alarm bells to ring as well.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but these are the ones to come to the forefront of my mind/experiences.

[******]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

The first one that comes to mind is insecurity. If a woman is insecure she IS clingy. No exception. We as humans need to feel wanted. Insecure women will go out of their way to get this dopamine boost of feeling wanted and/or needed. This goes hand in hand with number two which is overachieving to get your attention. This will be done by buying gifts, calling/texting way more than they should, making something that should be a small simple gesture into something grand. Both are HUGE red flags of this behavior.

Other traits not limited to:
Social Media Stalking - also asking lots of questions about your posts, other peoples comments or who people are.....in short this goes back to insecurity.

Inviting themselves to be somewhere you are, especially in public. If you've been dating for a while and time spent together is limited, as it can be, this is acceptable; in the early stages of dating, it is not.

Acts upset, sad or jealous if you go out without them - jealousy

Doesn't like anyone that you know that is more attractive than they are - again jealousy

Being too quiet or withholding their opinion, when you know they have one, in hopes of not upsetting you.

Suddenly not hanging out with their friends anymore or alienating themselves from their own clique, crew, squad whatever the youngsters call their posse these days.

Constant reassurance of how you feel. If they are constantly asking for your approval this causes alarm bells to ring as well.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but these are the ones to come to the forefront of my mind/experiences.

That was pretty good, Dr. Rudi!

[******]

But also, otherwise secure people can become insecure when they care more about the other person than that person cares about them. Seems like in many, if not most, relationships that’s the case... unequal “power”...

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by ******

That was pretty good, Dr. Rudi!

Human psychology has always intrigued me. I fancy myself a human at times and I know what my motivators/de-motivators are. I'm always interested in what makes others act in the manner that they do. This was especially beneficial info to have when I was in sales. Seeing as how I have found myself on the wrong side of the stick in more situations than I care to mention, it has always fascinated me how people act/react when faced with a difficult situation and what is required from the other party to redeem themselves after.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by ******

But also, otherwise secure people can become insecure when they care more about the other person than that person cares about them. Seems like in many, if not most, relationships that’s the case... unequal “power”...

Yes! This is the ying to the yang in this topic. I found myself in this situation with the second wife. I had always been the heartbreaker in the past. Perhaps it was due to dating women with whom I had the leverage on rather than the inverse. It blew my mind at how the tables had turned and I was now on this side of the fence. I heard someone say once that in every relationship someone settles and the other steps up. I've also heard it as one adopts and and one adapts. I'd like to think this isn't the case yet unfortunately it has been the scenario with every relationship that I have had......until now. I have to say I do see the girlfriend as an equal now. If anything she settled, I'm pretty crazy to deal with I imagine.

[******]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Yes! This is the ying to the yang in this topic. I found myself in this situation with the second wife. I had always been the heartbreaker in the past. Perhaps it was due to dating women with whom I had the leverage on rather than the inverse. It blew my mind at how the tables had turned and I was now on this side of the fence. I heard someone say once that in every relationship someone settles and the other steps up. I've also heard it as one adopts and and one adapts. I'd like to think this isn't the case yet unfortunately it has been the scenario with every relationship that I have had......until now. I have to say I do see the girlfriend as an equal now. If anything she settled, I'm pretty crazy to deal with I imagine.

That’s great... equal is the ideal, imo... I’ve been in both of the other options and didn’t like either one.

[Rmtt]

I was 30 when I got divorced from my first wife. I got custody of our daughter, and didn't even think if dating for a couple of years although I could have.

But I decided to spend that time with my daughter and keep things as stable as possible for her.

I also learned that I could be perfectly happy being by myself, and that really opened up a whole new perspective of how to live my life.

When I did start dating again.....women at that age seemed to be desperate in my area. I made it a point to be upfront that I wasn't interested in anything serious as I was just getting my feet wet again.

But I also learned I was basically a shallow person when it came to relationships. I always preferred the ones most others seen as unattainable ......and that typically led me to women who while on the outside you would think had it all going for them....they were very needy and clingy.

I can't deal with an insecure, clingy person. I don't have a jealous bone in my body. But all those ones I did date were so demanding and persistent...and I would end it.

Plus I hated leaving a date to get a phone call 10 minutes later saying....Hey...what you up to? I'm like driving home.... I just left you.

That's what attracted me to my current wife. Most women I would see for the first date would be calling me that same day. When I went out with my current wife, we didn't converse for a week and that wasn't something I had never happen to me.

So I called her up for small talk....mentioned I hadn't heard from her....and she flatly said that she figured if I wanted to talk....I would call her.

Plus she was already established in her career, had her own house, and been on her own since college.

She had never been married as she had found out like I did that she didn't need someone else in her life to dictate whether she could be happy.

She was the first woman I introduced my daughter to after we had dated seriously for around 6 months, and we ended up getting married about 18 months later.

I learned that I wanted and matched up with someone very similar to my own personality, and very strong willed. We enjoy our time together, but also our time apart.

And the biggest thing is she isn't jealous. Maybe it's because we lived in a small town and she is younger than I am, but I would get hit on quite a bit early on when we went out as people would think we weren't together. She thought it hilarious....and that speaks tons of confidence to me.

So in short as you said....clingy people were a deal breaker for me!

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

I was 30 when I got divorced from my first wife. I got custody of our daughter, and didn't even think if dating for a couple of years although I could have.

But I decided to spend that time with my daughter and keep things as stable as possible for her.

I also learned that I could be perfectly happy being by myself, and that really opened up a whole new perspective of how to live my life.

When I did start dating again.....women at that age seemed to be desperate in my area. I made it a point to be upfront that I wasn't interested in anything serious as I was just getting my feet wet again.

But I also learned I was basically a shallow person when it came to relationships. I always preferred the ones most others seen as unattainable ......and that typically led me to women who while on the outside you would think had it all going for them....they were very needy and clingy.

I can't deal with an insecure, clingy person. I don't have a jealous bone in my body. But all those ones I did date were so demanding and persistent...and I would end it.

Plus I hated leaving a date to get a phone call 10 minutes later saying....Hey...what you up to? I'm like driving home.... I just left you.

That's what attracted me to my current wife. Most women I would see for the first date would be calling me that same day. When I went out with my current wife, we didn't converse for a week and that wasn't something I had never happen to me.

So I called her up for small talk....mentioned I hadn't heard from her....and she flatly said that she figured if I wanted to talk....I would call her.

Plus she was already established in her career, had her own house, and been on her own since college.

She had never been married as she had found out like I did that she didn't need someone else in her life to dictate whether she could be happy.

She was the first woman I introduced my daughter to after we had dated seriously for around 6 months, and we ended up getting married about 18 months later.

I learned that I wanted and matched up with someone very similar to my own personality, and very strong willed. We enjoy our time together, but also our time apart.

And the biggest thing is she isn't jealous. Maybe it's because we lived in a small town and she is younger than I am, but I would get hit on quite a bit early on when we went out as people would think we weren't together. She thought it hilarious....and that speaks tons of confidence to me.

So in short as you said....clingy people were a deal breaker for me!

That's awesome man! Good for you and glad to hear. I hear all too often about how desperate people are to find someone. I tell people all the time that in order to be good for anyone else, they need to get comfortable being alone. Being in a rush and being needy will only put yourself in state that you will accept anyone or anything just to have something.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

That's awesome man! Good for you and glad to hear. I hear all too often about how desperate people are to find someone. I tell people all the time that in order to be good for anyone else, they need to get comfortable being alone. Being in a rush and being needy will only put yourself in state that you will accept anyone or anything just to have something.

Yep ...and from there it's a snowball effect. My brother is that type. He bounces from one woman to the next kissing ass with an act he puts on.

When they see him for how he is, he moves to the next. He can't be alone for some reason.

But he will bend over backwards.....I have told him thus dies nothing but signal him as a pushover!

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

The first one that comes to mind is insecurity. If a woman is insecure she IS clingy. No exception. We as humans need to feel wanted. Insecure women will go out of their way to get this dopamine boost of feeling wanted and/or needed. This goes hand in hand with number two which is overachieving to get your attention. This will be done by buying gifts, calling/texting way more than they should, making something that should be a small simple gesture into something grand. Both are HUGE red flags of this behavior.

Other traits not limited to:
Social Media Stalking - also asking lots of questions about your posts, other peoples comments or who people are.....in short this goes back to insecurity.

Inviting themselves to be somewhere you are, especially in public. If you've been dating for a while and time spent together is limited, as it can be, this is acceptable; in the early stages of dating, it is not.

Acts upset, sad or jealous if you go out without them - jealousy

Doesn't like anyone that you know that is more attractive than they are - again jealousy

Being too quiet or withholding their opinion, when you know they have one, in hopes of not upsetting you.

Suddenly not hanging out with their friends anymore or alienating themselves from their own clique, crew, squad whatever the youngsters call their posse these days.

Constant reassurance of how you feel. If they are constantly asking for your approval this causes alarm bells to ring as well.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but these are the ones to come to the forefront of my mind/experiences.

noted


on other news, i went soap shopping with a friend of mine. she's actually a cool human being and we get along very well. on the way back she said she thought i had a crush on her and i told her i thought she had a crush on me, not as a comeback but as an actual observation - looking forward to see how that unfolds.

[******]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

noted


on other news, i went soap shopping with a friend of mine. she's actually a cool human being and we get along very well. on the way back she said she thought i had a crush on her and i told her i thought she had a crush on me, not as a comeback but as an actual observation - looking forward to see how that unfolds.

Well surely you two didn’t just leave it like that!?!