[amanda hor$t]

settle? heck, if i met the perfect girl i might still stay single lol

[stealth.pilot]

I think this is too simplistic a poll. What does settle mean? Does it mean that if you are set on marrying Scarlett Johannson, you will settle for someone else? Or does it mean that you recognize that people are multi dimensional real human beings and that the journey of selecting a life partner cannot start with a preconceived configuration?

Personally I think the latter is not settling but rather a mindset that will bring you fulfilling relationships. And the former perspective means you deserve to be single forever.

In other words the entire premise of the question implies you are unfit for a real relationship.

[amanda hor$t]

Originally Posted by stealth.pilot

I think this is too simplistic a poll. What does settle mean? Does it mean that if you are set on marrying Scarlett Johannson, you will settle for someone else? Or does it mean that you recognize that people are multi dimensional real human beings and that the journey of selecting a life partner cannot start with a preconceived configuration?

Personally I think the latter is not settling but rather a mindset that will bring you fulfilling relationships. And the former perspective means you deserve to be single forever.

In other words the entire premise of the question implies you are unfit for a real relationship.

i think op is simply polling a known situation... where people (guys and girls) reach a certain age, everyone around them is getting married, so they settle for what's available in case nothing's left later. like one dude told me before he took the dive: "well, i doubt i can do better"

[stealth.pilot]

Originally Posted by R Grubba Balls

i think op is simply polling a known situation... where people (guys and girls) reach a certain age, everyone around them is getting married, so they settle for what's available in case nothing's left later. like one dude told me before he took the dive: "well, i doubt i can do better"

Well I think if people think like that then they shouldn't be getting married.

[Templar]

Originally Posted by Team Plutonium

I knew who the OP was by just reading the thread title on my iPhone. :

+1

OKCupid fans and people who need to spend their inheritance on hookers all giving advice to the BMW masses...

[sasha1015]

Lower my standards??? NEVER!!!

Settle? Depends... Is the person ur with someone u truly WANT to spend ur life with and you are truly happy with them? Then YES.
If u just feel like u want to "settle" for someone because ur friends are getting married...DONT DO IT!!!!! (Unless of course ur a loser/jerk/failure/ugly then ur fucked.... Go for anything)

[Wolf]

23 here - nope no lowering standards for me.. but I would like to settle in 6-7 years with a hot wife with 2 kids maybe Edit: kids have to be mine, not somebody else's

[PSUSMU]

Originally Posted by Wolf

23 here - nope no lowering standards for me.. but I would like to settle in 6-7 years with a hot wife with 2 kids maybe Edit: kids have to be mine, not somebody else's

Settling != hot wife.. you're missing the point. Settle = settling for a below average girl

[boostedTIAG335]

Originally Posted by Wolf

23 here - nope no lowering standards for me.. but I would like to settle in 6-7 years with a hot wife with 2 kids maybe Edit: kids have to be mine, not somebody else's

If you marry Lebanese, 90% of the time you're not settling.

[sanf]

just remember, settling is easy... getting out of it is usually the tricky part.

[shah269]

In our minds eye most people over a given age and experience have a good idea as to what they are looking for in a life partner.
For some it's exact features such as height, weight, hair and eye color and income.
While others are a little more flexible in what they deem to be "mr" or "ms" right.

I've been married once, divorced once, dated quite a bit and i'm comfortable knowing what i'm looking for in a life partner. I also have many female friends who also are very sure as to what makes them happy....or at least I thought I did.

we are in our mid 30's and everyone is either getting married or getting married and quickly reproducing. And well i see friend after friend "settling" for men who just are not what they are into....and I just don't get it.

Case in point i jokingly asked a good friend who had a thing for visiting chip and dales / magic mike shows in Vegas, now that she is married she must have all the eye candy in the world she ever wanted....her response shocked me...she told me she does not like it when her husband walks out of the shower naked or walked around the bedroom naked and that she tells him to put his clothes on...though she finds him to be a very nice guy and a good husband....she has little to no sexual desire for him for she is not sexually attracted to him.

Another is not only the same but goes as far as to say that she finds her new husband to be boring and dull...

Now that said...i work with engineers.....a world of 90% men and 10% handsome ladies so these guys like caged animals really have no mate choice so they always settle for the token chunky chick though they really want to date the cute girl....and then dream of and lust after her cute friend...10/10 when it comes to creepy
Now engineers hardly qualify as your average man. So i figured I would just ask.

Here is my theory, and add to it if you so wish.
I only have a finite amount of time in this life. Why waste it?
I'll always make more money but i'll never be able to make more time.
So why waste a life with someone who does not make you happy? Why settle? When you have a good idea as to who or what makes you happy?

As for me I think I'm simple
Educated, minimum 4 years of university
Athletic, size 2-8 and able to keep up with me when we rock climb or hike or just go for long walks.
Employed, have a career and have it be significantly higher than a life long waitress? (though I"m sure i'll make an exception for life long stripper?)

Just my thoughts, I appreciate yours and hope you all have a great night.


ps
I have told my friends that if i do ever "settle" for less than what makes me happy...to please slap me around and wake me up! It's what friends should do.

[Vic311]

Shah,

When are you going to realize that all of these threads are arbitrary?

[shah269]

Originally Posted by Vic311

Shah,

When are you going to realize that all of these threads are arbitrary?

Well i have a few friends who work for Chase and GS and their words to the question were..."Why the fuck would we ever fucking lower our fucking standards! Do you know what we think of business who lower their earnings potential? Yeah why would we do that to ourselves?"

So yeah that's one extreme so was looking for the middle ground

[bumere90]

I'm 25, turning 26 in September. I am not planning to "settle" until-after I graduate from college. It is really not about lowering your standards.

[Wolf]

Originally Posted by PSUSMU

Settling != hot wife.. you're missing the point. Settle = settling for a below average girl

Originally Posted by boostedTIAG335

If you marry Lebanese, 90% of the time you're not settling.

Exactly

[bga23]

I refused to settle so I didn't get married until I was 36 but she was definitely worth the wait. I knew if I did settle the marriage wouldn't last and/or I'd be miserable.

[KingOfJericho]

You have to come to the realization of your own worth - not your self-proclaimed worth, but your actual market value. Let me put it like this. If you're average in every way, what would the incentive be for a 10 to lower her standards to the point that she marries your 5?

It's like standing in a dealership with $50,000 wondering why you're not able to walk out with a shiny new M5.

[shah269]

*Caution this may be sexist*
As the old saying goes, we men age like fine wine while women age like cut flowers.
Yes this is very very offensive to some and very politically incorrect statement but stand back and examine the facts on the ground.
Every day that goes by a man is better off, we become more mellow, more aware, more self confident and well over all just richer as we pay down our debts and increase our liquidity. Furthermore if we respect our bodies we can maintain good health and good muscle tone well into our 60’s without much of an issue. We have a very long shelf life. And many societal norms allow older men to date or marry younger women. A 20 year spread is not that unusual. However if you ask me, many smart, athletic women can be attractive well into their 40s.

Yes a woman who is older and who is dating a man who is younger is seen as a cougar?
Now I find this offensive and well just don’t get it…I honestly don’t think women need to “settle”.

But what I think and feel vs what the economic facts on the ground are may be two different things?
After all I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told by my female friends that the odds of a woman finding the right man to marry after the age of 30 is like finding diamonds on the sidewalk.
Now I look around and I don’t see this…but when these women look around….maybe they are seeing something else? Maybe it’s a self imposed limitation of options?

Either way, lowering ones standards just to "settle" is a great way to start a divorce if you ask me....

[KingOfJericho]

You are the male equivalent of a gold-digging woman. If the money dries up, she's gone. In your scenario, if her looks go south, you're punching out.

From the sound of your postings, you spend so much time analyzing why you're not finding the person who fills ALL of your criteria that you're missing out on actually experiencing dating life and meeting new people.

You kind of remind me of this guy:

[Templar]

Originally Posted by Team Plutonium

Well, we all know you are no prize, so I think unless you lower the bar by a huge margin you'll be unhappy and single for the rest of your life. No sarcasm here, honest to god advice.

True, unfortunately he is too much of a narcissist to take your honest advice.

[shah269]

OK ones rectum and cranium should not occupy the same space at the same time….but apparently for some they are…so I will pull out the main point of my last post with hopes that in the future your reading comprehension improves

However if you ask me, many smart, athletic women can be attractive well into their 40s.

Yes a woman who is older and who is dating a man who is younger is seen as a cougar?
Now I find this offensive and well just don’t get it…I honestly don’t think women need to “settle”.


OK did you get that? was it easy to read? And as for the reason why? I have three good friends who have recently married and these women who are gorgeous and smart and well put together and in their mid 30's tell me that they settled...and I just can’t understand why they did.

And since there are not many women on this forum, I asked what the guys would or would not do. And looking at the raw data and assuming people answered with good intentions…looks like many men have a good idea as to what they want in a life partner and will not delineate from this.

Just wished there were more female thoughts on this subject. But apparently the ladies are shoe shopping or something? Who knows?

[KingOfJericho]

You do know that marriage can last PAST a woman's 40s, right? You seem so absolutely fixated on looks that you're destined to be lonely forever. I'm not saying you should seek out a total dog, but there are very nice, smart girls who are a solid 7-8 that would be a truly great catch but you seem to be looking for a passive neurosurgeon who looks like Miranda Kerr. I bid you good luck on your impossible search.