[hongsc]

Originally Posted by grieverr

What?!? I know and have known plenty of women that are just as promiscuous for the fun of it. Men and women both cheat for fun, just as they do it for emotional/physical reasons.


That being said, if she was really into him, she would have told him that she was feeling neglected, and allowed him to fix that.

That's why I said "normally". If you hang around promiscuous women aka GGW that's all you'll see and you'll have to give them the D' because that's what they're there for. But seriously women, who are in long-term relationships are more vested. That's if the relationship is legit. Sometimes men are are too stupid to realize they're being used and shit happens.

[MrPrena]

Originally Posted by NEFARIOUS

Damn, that's rough. NEVER had ANY respect for cheaters; anybody tells me they slept around with another person while they are in a relationship or married is a one-way ticket to FuckOffVille in my book.

As some of you know, I'm 29 now, but didn't even have my first kiss until I was 27 as a result of repressed childhood trauma that affected everything in life (including dating) that wasn't resolved until I was 25.

With that, I cherish and treasure every relationship I get, especially since dating and even sex felt nigh impossible for the longest time and don't want to lose the trust of the woman; when I commit to a woman, I commit to her till the end, and will rather deal or be dealt the breakup card rather than going behind each other's back... At no point do I even consider a woman a "cock holster"; she's someone's daughter and another human being, so being a womanizer or even getting into one-night stands isn't even in my nature.

But then again, I even left my first in-person girlfriend (I had an LDR when I was 15) since she does tend to have a lot of male friends but refuses to introduce me to most of her friends (M or F; not even her "bestie"), hardly ever invites me to the many places she heads out on the night or even overnight to, she was largely unavailable on V-Day, and refuses to entertain going without a [truncated], when I do just the opposite and invite her everywhere, and everybody knows that she's my GF zero fucking problem... So the partial reason I left my first girlfriend was that I was suspecting that she's cheating (plus other things). So lesson learned.

Another reason? Read here if you want more details, but a good friend of mine who is a firefighter... A fearless, macho dude that for the last 25 years and the last 10 years I've known him, part of his job is to put his fears aside and run into burning buildings to save random people, or even as an assist to paramedics in all sorts of conditions (even true story: My grandma when she had her blood pressure run into the 200s)... But that was the first time I've ever seen him worried sick and borderline paranoid. So I figured, if this is the kind of shit that I can do to others if I cheat, or if that's the kind of things that the other person can do to me if she strays, then why harm those that you trust? For me, a relationship is being able to have someone that you can put your guard down around, so why ruin someone that is allowed to get so close to you by doing what is in my book, the ultimate form of disrespect?

If something is hard to understand, I had a long day at work+tons of errands and I can barely keep my eyes open, but I wanted to put what I said out there. Plus I have ADD and sometimes work on the sentence before I'm through.

+1
You did good.

Those girls who doesn't want to reveal herself is ones who is probably trying to cheat with someone. It can also be ones who trying to cheat her bf with you.

I had a girl once who just act similar to the bold line. Took me a little to realize this, but I decided to phase her out of my life.
Funny thing is that 5-6 days after I avoided her, I answered one of the call from her. She invited me to her place at 2am for the first FREAKING TIME. First thing she does is prove that her Cingular phone does NOT work at her town home. What an excuse...

Making long story short, I am sooooo glad that I phased her out slowly. Took me about 2weeks since i got invite to her place, but it was slowest I can do at that time. I am also glad that changing my cell number for different area code (work purpose) from 310 to 213 also helped greatly. I basically wasted my time for dating this gal for 6mo. I could have went out with at least 12 girls and could have found potential gf at that time.

[V1.47fan]

Once a liar and a cheater, always a liar and a cheater.

[carve]

Originally Posted by squishy

Damn, I hate cheating bitches. 2 times. 2. Cried your eyes out and begged for another chance, and you go and fuck the guy only 1 month later.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I now had an epiphany of how great of a guy you are, it wasn't clear to me before..."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

I'll be devil's advocate just to stir the pot a little. I agree it's totally unfair for her to expect you to be monogamous while messing around, but why exactlay did you two want a monogamous relationship? Paternity certainty? Well, do you have kids? If so, get them tested and see. Afraid she was being unsafe? That's a concern, but a manageable one. Afraid she was going to leave you? Then why guarantee you break up? "Dishonesty?" it sure is, but cheating is such a common problem it seems to be human nature. You have to admit that if you have anything going for you the temptation is there, even if you love your partner, so why make sex, in this day and age, a lynchpin deal breaker? Why not forbid another temptation, such as thou shall not consume sugar? I agree it's wrong to break her promise...I just think the promise is slightly silly in modern times (particularly if you aren't raising kids together).

I think we're just conditioned to expect monogamy and make it a deal breaker in a relationship without questioning WHY that's important. (I think we do and believe LOTS of things without questioning why) It's really a cultural vestige from when women were little more than property whose primary value was providing you with offspring you were certain belonged to you.

[carve]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Don't even put me on some sort of pedestal. I'm married, but I ain't dead yet. I have impure thoughts about nearly every female that I walk by. It's the commitment to my vow that keeps me from taking any action. In my head, I already know at least one special position for each female I encounter on a regular basis.

This is what I'm talking about. This is human nature. I'm very similar. What's the value in denying it? I've done open relationships and loved it until the emotional drama and neediness would set in with a woman. It was extremely satisfying at a deep level I never quite appreciated though. At some point I may suggest swinging to my girlfriend as I believe it's a way to scratch that itch without the emotional pitfalls (other couple is in the same situation, you're there to share the oxytocin with her, and it's balanced- nobody left out). Sounds like you...and probably many many others, would be happier with that sort of arrangement.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by carve

I've done open relationships and loved it until the emotional drama and neediness would set in with a woman.

Are you saying it's exclusively the woman that has the neediness? I can't honestly say that is/would be my condition.

In some esoteric fashion I believe myself better than the banality of my cravings for sex, to make a commitment to a single woman. Part of that commitment is in return for the same from her, and the emotional stability it creates in my life. That is of more value to me than the scratching of the itch.

[squishy]

Thank you everyone

My mistake is that I've been too indecisive and irrational about what I want: in a woman, and many more things. Luckily, I get to use this event as an experience I can learn from, and be clearer and more assertive in the future. Excited to get another opportunity and enjoy the many things life has to offer.

Very wise opinions in this thread, will definitely keep it in my favorites and come back to it often as a reminder.

[carve]

If you want to get good with women, i recommend checking out the book "Models" by Mark Mason and the website girlschase.com

Wede: I think whoever has the fewest options is the one who typically gets jealous. I mean, you're fantasizing about sex with every woman you see. Fulfilling that natural drive is the whole reason we exist, so it's deeply satisfying. So is having, in our current culture, a deep, meaningful relationship and a partner.

I loved juggling 3-4 great women at a time, and did that for quite a while, until I met one who blew them out of the water. Even then, I'd keep a FWB until she'd have no more of that. I actually valued that lifestyle- just not as much as I value this woman. Still, I think as we get more secure in our relationship, doing some kinky stuff with another couple would be a safe way to scratch that itch from time to time and keep things exciting.

[MrPrena]

squishy, you will be dating so many women while you meet your future gf that you won't have time to update here.

My future advice is just juggle your [at least] 4-8/mo dates well. (Of course, this is before both commit to a longer term gf/bf thingy)

Originally Posted by squishy

Thank you everyone

My mistake is that I've been too indecisive and irrational about what I want: in a woman, and many more things. Luckily, I get to use this event as an experience I can learn from, and be clearer and more assertive in the future. Excited to get another opportunity and enjoy the many things life has to offer.

Very wise opinions in this thread, will definitely keep it in my favorites and come back to it often as a reminder.

Edit: As embarrassing as it is to admit, I was the guy you all are referring to in the other thread: I used to bring her flowers occasionally, buy her wine and chocolates after a long day of work, compliment her endlessly - look what that got me...

Lesson learned. As another member said, I have to know what I want, and let her come to me. If she doesn't fit my ideal or comfort zone - there's other women who would fit my ideal better, and I will break it up with her without looking back.

As for the comments about monogamy - I'm old school/traditional. I don't like dating more than one lady at a time. If I'm not looking to date, I will make it very clear to her that I'm not dating her, she's not dating me, and we are free to sleep around with anyone we want.

VERY appreciative of this experience, it's taught me so much about life, human behavior, knowing what I want, and not being afraid to take chances just as quickly as I should end things.

[NEFARIOUS]

Originally Posted by grimlock

See, apparently this is incorrect because a significant proportion of woman ARE exactly that, cock holsters. So when you incorrectly treat them as princesses they will just go around and cheat on you because it is their nature.

Dude, we have been ridden over roughshod - time to find some bitches and deliver payback.

This is why bitchy girls will ONLY go for "douchey" guys.. you can't be nice to a ho..

Even though I said I don't consider women a cock holster, I just left out the part where there's no shortage of bitches, hoes, sluts, hood rats, skanks, and contemptible women who I just find utterly annoying either... A woman doesn't have to sleep with me before I can say what I want to say based on personality, appearance and otherwise, but I'm just saying I don't do one night stands or bang hookers since I get sentimental with the women that have the fortune to experience my D inside her, since a woman has to be a quality woman and EARN the right to ride my bologna pony; I don't give it up to the next, as shah269 put it: Long legged, flat bellied, perky boobied amazing assed hotties for nothing... Plus I get pretty nervous and it takes a bit more effort to make it happen (don't get me wrong, I'm far from impotent).

Originally Posted by MrPrena

+1
You did good.

Those girls who doesn't want to reveal herself is ones who is probably trying to cheat with someone. It can also be ones who trying to cheat her bf with you.

I had a girl once who just act similar to the bold line. Took me a little to realize this, but I decided to phase her out of my life.
Funny thing is that 5-6 days after I avoided her, I answered one of the call from her. She invited me to her place at 2am for the first FREAKING TIME. First thing she does is prove that her Cingular phone does NOT work at her town home. What an excuse...

Making long story short, I am sooooo glad that I phased her out slowly. Took me about 2weeks since i got invite to her place, but it was slowest I can do at that time. I am also glad that changing my cell number for different area code (work purpose) from 310 to 213 also helped greatly. I basically wasted my time for dating this gal for 6mo. I could have went out with at least 12 girls and could have found potential gf at that time.

There's always an answer for everything with some of these chicks.

[MYovichZ4]

[montegokid94]

Keep your bitch in line and always watch her. That nonsense is not tolerated. You do that and you will get fucked up and all rules will go out the window . Nothing worse one can do than cheat IMO.

[ASBSECU E93]

...It's the chase or pursuit that really makes some people crazy and insane....normal life is just too boring...

[carve]

Originally Posted by squishy

Damn, I hate cheating bitches. 2 times. 2. Cried your eyes out and begged for another chance, and you go and fuck the guy only 1 month later.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I now had an epiphany of how great of a guy you are, it wasn't clear to me before..."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

I'm not a cheater, but I think EVERY man would like some side action. It's in our DNA- our forefathers who were into that reproduced more often. Women were more successful if they found a partner and provider, but even then, they still had a motivation to find someone with superior DNA on the side when they were ovulating...the alpha male...the same guy who gets lots of side action. This is why women find completely different guys desirable when they're ovulating vs. other times of the month.

Infidelity is basically programmed in. I've heard of transgendered men who basically come to the realization, once they're on the testosterone, that if women understood that a man's attitude about sex is fundamentally different than their own, attitudes about male infidelity would be far different. For me at least, unless I'm in a terribly dissatisfying relationship, I'm not looking to upgrade; it's the variety itself that's desirable. Although women love sex as much as men, their attitude about it is different, and if they're cheating they're looking to upgrade.

Fidelity is not in our nature. We can choose to go against our nature, but I think people would be happier if we just acknowledged our nature. It was important to go against it for so long because sex often led to babies, and there was no other way to determine paternity. Problem solved these days but, fidelity is a tradition. I'm beginning to think Swingers have things figured out- best of both worlds; scratch the itch while maintaining trust and a stable relationship.

For the OP- be the alpha male that women look to upgrade to, and read this blog!
http://www.returnofkings.com/41981/w...hung-up-on-sex

[MrPrena]

Advice to guys who LOVES gals w/ history of cheating (and decide to give em another chance and get married).

1. Marriage license should be done at a non-nofault state.
2. Live in non-nofault state.
3. Prenups.
4. Do not move in to a big houses, you might end up selling one near future.
5. Don't do it inside. Not worth having a kid with baby's mama who loves another wiener.

Of course... Best advice would be "do NOT marry them"