[nyalpine90]

I feel for you guys

[King Rudi]

Glad to hear that this isn't happening to just me. Some very valid points listed above. One of the last conversations I had with her, I told her that I wasn't a boy living with his parents with no job. I'm a man and I handle business like a man. If she wants a man in her life, she needs to stop trying to be the man in the relationship. Whatever happened to men being allowed to be men and take charge, or be in control of a situation. We battled the same issue when I hit her car. I handled every aspect of the situation with little to no effort required on her end. She still fought me tooth and nail on every step of the process.

Originally Posted by rebekahb

@King Rudi sorry to hear about the break up. At the same time, I think it's been coming for a while. You gave it your best. It isn't a relationship where there is no communication & you tried your best to try and work through things with her. If you need anything, hit me up.

Thank you dear. I'll be in touch once things start to slow down a little.

[Alfisti]

You've touched on another issue.

I dead set believe some women want to be involved, want to share responsibility for everything but secretly, almost sub consciously, want the man to take charge and resent the indecision.

That's incredibly sexist but....i've seen it.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

You've touched on another issue.

I dead set believe some women want to be involved, want to share responsibility for everything but secretly, almost sub consciously, want the man to take charge and resent the indecision.

That's incredibly sexist but....i've seen it.

I've seen this in the sense where the woman tries to be in control/charge, yet knows nothing about what is going on or what needs to be done. The man tries to handle it, then she second guesses, calls contractors to get a second opinion, etc. to a point where the guy just wants to step away from it now. Then after, the woman talks shit about how her man didn't know shit. This is my best friends wife. She is what the Germans would refer to as Das Uber Bitch.

[Alfisti]

The indecision one is tricky though, I have seen women get upset when the man "takes charge" but when he doesn't the couple disintegrates into a wall of indecision, it's a dead set cliche but the dinner scenario plays out in much bigger ways at times. "What do you want to eat", 'I dunno" ..... ok let's go here..... "i don't feel like that". Like what?
What do you want? So you get this conflict of "don't lock me out of decision making" then "I can't make a decision" then "back of my brain says you're acting like a beta male so now i'm grumpy as i married/hooked up with a beta male".

In terms of rationality, i'd say that is the largest single source of conflict in the couples I know. Again, incredibly sexist but FUCK ME DEAD the gap is huge. Huge.

[nyalpine90]

here is my input on relationship and decisions

both need to be on same page when it comes to certain things like raising children, financial and anything that involves your home. i dont mind my wife making decisions because we talk about everything before she decides and vice versa. Also its important if one makes a decision and outcome doesnt turn out right, dont point fingers. You move on and take a different approach.... The stress isnt sitting on one person to decide everything. A strong independent woman is the key to lasting relationship, not just marriage.

[Turkish Pickle]

I just got off the phone with my dear friend Gabby. We've been friends since freshman year, she met my (now ex) gf, i met her bf, etc. Strictly good friends.

My main takeaway was that even though someone can be going through hardship, it matters a lot that the other person is supportive. Her bf was fairly depressed and his business was almost about to go under, but she supported him through the journey and now he's happy and she's happy for and with him.

I, on the other hand, was hit with constant bringing down. She even said "I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation". Her and another friend I was out with on Saturday both reminded me there are women who I can vibe with and they'll be supportive too. Both of these women are my friends, but both are attractive (I just dont see them that way). That really reminded me that yes, there *has* to be a woman that I find attractive who I can have a fulfilling relationship with.

I'm sure my ex feels the same, or maybe she doesn't. She made it a point to tell me to not sleep around when we broke up yet also told me her and her best friend went out to "see what's around".

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I just got off the phone with my dear friend Gabby. We've been friends since freshman year, she met my (now ex) gf, i met her bf, etc. Strictly good friends.

My main takeaway was that even though someone can be going through hardship, it matters a lot that the other person is supportive. Her bf was fairly depressed and his business was almost about to go under, but she supported him through the journey and now he's happy and she's happy for and with him.

I, on the other hand, was hit with constant bringing down. She even said "I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation". Her and another friend I was out with on Saturday both reminded me there are women who I can vibe with and they'll be supportive too. Both of these women are my friends, but both are attractive (I just dont see them that way). That really reminded me that yes, there *has* to be a woman that I find attractive who I can have a fulfilling relationship with.

I'm sure my ex feels the same, or maybe she doesn't. She made it a point to tell me to not sleep around when we broke up yet also told me her and her best friend went out to "see what's around".

pretty much a narcissistic person
Pickle just be glad nothing ties you to her.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I have two sons, 6 and 10, i need to figure this shit out before they start dating. It's fucking ridiculous.

Sometimes its best if they teach themselves, so to that end, have you considered.....writing an autobiography and forcing them to read it??

[Mein11]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

That really reminded me that yes, there *has* to be a woman that I find attractive who I can have a fulfilling relationship with.

There are thousands. You're miles ahead of many based on how you've handled and recognized things. Keep doing you, stay positive/aware, and good people (relationship or friend) will flow in.

[///d]

It's been just over 2 years with my girl and we have yet to have a fight, or even an argument honestly. I feel like I either hit the jackpot or I'm in for serious shit show once everything comes out, but she really isnt the type to bottle things up or let things get to her.

Maybe I found that below 5 crazy above 8 hot unicorn on the crazy/hot matrix

[SickGTR]

Originally Posted by ///d

It's been just over 2 years with my girl and we have yet to have a fight, or even an argument honestly. I feel like I either hit the jackpot or I'm in for serious shit show once everything comes out, but she really isnt the type to bottle things up or let things get to her.

Maybe I found that below 5 crazy above 8 hot unicorn on the crazy/hot matrix

Probably not!!! Lol

[rebekahb]

Originally Posted by ///d

Maybe I found that below 5 crazy above 8 hot unicorn on the crazy/hot matrix

That video still makes me laugh my ass off. It's funnier how short the guys part it.

[BMWILUVU]

Originally Posted by ///d

It's been just over 2 years with my girl and we have yet to have a fight, or even an argument honestly. I feel like I either hit the jackpot or I'm in for serious shit show once everything comes out, but she really isnt the type to bottle things up or let things get to her.

Maybe I found that below 5 crazy above 8 hot unicorn on the crazy/hot matrix

Thats because you ain't married yet. Shes saving the best for later. You have a smart girl there.

[Turkish Pickle]

cmyx6go i dont think you ever got back to me from a few weeks ago!!!!

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

cmyx6go i dont think you ever got back to me from a few weeks ago!!!!

I didn't? I'm sorry, lots going on. I need to go back through the thread. I remember talking about jealousy and insecurities being a big red flag.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Onesie

I bet you you like to write online essays and exam-preps, correct? Or sell Viagra? Or…

(reported)

I thought the same. "Hey guys! I'm new here. Came to the dating thread with my first post in a car forum to say I'm neutral."

WTF?

[///d]

This thread needs some action.

My young Soldier that is scared shitless to talk to girls asked his crush to the Caribbean Dance Night tonight, and she said yes. Now he is super nervous and not sure what to do. I keep telling him to go and just have fun, don't worry about what others might think, give her all your focus and attention, and don't be the guy to stand there all awkward like and not ask her to get out and dance. I kind of want to go and watch this unfold lol.

[Sedan_Clan]

Originally Posted by ///d

This thread needs some action.

My young Soldier that is scared shitless to talk to girls asked his crush to the Caribbean Dance Night tonight, and she said yes. Now he is super nervous and not sure what to do. I keep telling him to go and just have fun, don't worry about what others might think, give her all your focus and attention, and don't be the guy to stand there all awkward like and not ask her to get out and dance. I kind of want to go and watch this unfold lol.

Do it! We need video too. Lol!

[///d]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

Do it! We need video too. Lol!

I think a couple of us may "happen to walk through" lol

He has been getting better at talking to people in general, still a little hesitant with girls. This gal is pretty introverted and quiet just like him. They have been hanging out a little bit, going to chow together type stuff (not much to do on post). When he is around us he is joking and laughing and such, so I asked him if she laughs and smiles when they are together and he said he doesn't know because he really doesn't say much around her because he is too scared to say the wrong thing. He is so ridiculously shy.

I will admit, I was the one who gave him the idea about the dance night. I'm actually surprised he went through with it though. They grow up so fast

[Sedan_Clan]

Ok ladies and gents, I'll present a scenario and I want honest feedback.

So….

…my career field doesn't really provide me with holidays off most of the time. My station does a lottery type approach to Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day; essentially everybody will get one of those four days off.

In July of this year, Hottie Attorney was asked to go to Las Vegas with a group of friends for New Year's Eve (….prior to anything official happening between her and I in terms of relationship status/title although we had been casually dating ever since April of 2020). I've known about the trip since July, but I didn't think much of it initially. One of her friends played with the idea of it being a couples trip if I could find a guy friend for her, but that wasn't something I could commit to.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. Hottie Attorney asked me if I felt left out/slighted because I wasn't formally invited. Choosing not to be "that guy," I told her I didn't mind. I didn't want to come across controlling or anything. For the record, she has gone on many girl's-only trips, so that's not the crux of the issue. In any case, I asked for Christmas Eve off because she holds that day in high(er) regard, but I was given New Year's Eve off instead. I had hoped that being presented with that information she would have taken it upon herself to decide to spend it with me since I'm off work. When that didn't happen, I started to develop a bit of resentment because I would've done that for her. To me, New Year's Eve can be significant when you're in a relationship and it began to bother me.

On Tuesday night I finally said something……at 2am. Admittedly it wasn't ideal timing considering it was the middle of the night and considering she has been really stressed at work. It also didn't help that Sunday and Monday she could feel a shift in my energy, but she didn't understand why. In that moment, I basically released everything that had been building up, and it blindsided her a bit. Generally speaking, our communication is fantastic, but in that moment there was a breakdown. I take responsibility for not bringing it up sooner; for allowing it to fester. While we both consider it a minor hiccup that wasn't damaging (…and was a small ordeal in the grand scheme of the relationship), I can't help but question whether I should've made a big deal about it. To me, the issue surrounding spending that evening together means something. She admitted that it was a lapse of judgment on her part not to acknowledge my availability and to attempt to consider other options. We both carry responsibility in this, but I do feel bad because she's shouldering a lot at work and this issue just added more stress because she had an opportunity to decline to go, but when asked I didn't speak up at the time. Now there's some tension. Not relationship ending tension, but tension nonetheless…..and I feel like we took a slight step backwards from a mostly forward progressing and healthy relationship.

My heart was in the right place. I just want to be with her that evening. It will feel awkward being off and us not being together. I know if the shoe were on the other foot and I went to Las Vegas instead of spending it with her - knowing she was available - she would feel some type of way about that (…and probably question my priorities). She told me she would rethink the trip, but if she decides to spend it with me, will there be resentment? If she decides to go, what does that say about our relationship, my voiced concerns and her priorities? I dunno. I'm trapped in a whirlwind of perplexity. Thoughts?

[///d]

Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan

Ok ladies and gents, I'll present a scenario and I want honest feedback.

So….

…my career field doesn't really provide me with holidays off most of the time. My station does a lottery type approach to Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day; essentially everybody will get one of those four days off.

In July of this year, Hottie Attorney was asked to go to Las Vegas with a group of friends for New Year's Eve (….prior to anything official happening between her and I in terms of relationship status/title although we had been casually dating ever since April of 2020). I've known about the trip since July, but I didn't think much of it initially. One of her friends played with the idea of it being a couples trip if I could find a guy friend for her, but that wasn't something I could commit to.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. Hottie Attorney asked me if I felt left out/slighted because I wasn't formally invited. Choosing not to be "that guy," I told her I didn't mind. I didn't want to come across controlling or anything. For the record, she has gone on many girl's-only trips, so that's not the crux of the issue. In any case, I asked for Christmas Eve off because she holds that day in high(er) regard, but I was given New Year's Eve off instead. I had hoped that being presented with that information she would have taken it upon herself to decide to spend it with me since I'm off work. When that didn't happen, I started to develop a bit of resentment because I would've done that for her. To me, New Year's Eve can be significant when you're in a relationship and it began to bother me.

On Tuesday night I finally said something……at 2am. Admittedly it wasn't ideal timing considering it was the middle of the night and considering she has been really stressed at work. It also didn't help that Sunday and Monday she could feel a shift in my energy, but she didn't understand why. In that moment, I basically released everything that had been building up, and it blindsided her a bit. Generally speaking, our communication is fantastic, but in that moment there was a breakdown. I take responsibility for not bringing it up sooner; for allowing it to fester. While we both consider it a minor hiccup that wasn't damaging (…and was a small ordeal in the grand scheme of the relationship), I can't help but question whether I should've made a big deal about it. To me, the issue surrounding spending that evening together means something. She admitted that it was a lapse of judgment on her part not to acknowledge my availability and to attempt to consider other options. We both carry responsibility in this, but I do feel bad because she's shouldering a lot at work and this issue just added more stress because she had an opportunity to decline to go, but when asked I didn't speak up at the time. Now there's some tension. Not relationship ending tension, but tension nonetheless…..and I feel like we took a slight step backwards from a mostly forward progressing and healthy relationship.

My heart was in the right place. I just want to be with her that evening. It will fill awkward being off and us not being together. I know if the shoe were on the other foot and I went to Las Vegas instead of spending it with her - knowing she was available - she would feel some type of way about that (…and probably question my priorities). She told me she would rethink the trip, but if she decides to spend it with me, will there be resentment? If she decides to go, what does that say about our relationship, my voiced concerns and her priorities? I dunno. I'm trapped in a whirlwind of perplexity. Thoughts?

First off, you have every right to vent your feelings and frustrations. It sounds like both of you are at an understanding about it, so don't dwell on it, learn from it and move on. What's done is done. Every relationship will have those moments, it's how you move forward that matters.

Now, I can only speak for myself and how I would feel in that situation. I'm a pretty easy going "it is what it is" type of guy, so keep that in mind.

Because of your relationship status when you learned of the trip, and the uncertainty of days off and the inability to say yes when it was first brought up, if it were me I would brush it off and toss it up as a "the timing just didn't work out" type of thing. Yes, the plans can be changed now that you know you have NYE off, but we are a just a few weeks away and at this point everything is already planned out and in place as far as her trip. If it were me, I'd tell her she's worked hard and deserves her trip and to have fun, especially since it was already a thing before you became what you are now. When she gets back you can spend plenty of quality time together. Try to let go of that resentment. I don't think it's a matter of priorities, this was something thats shes been planning and likely excited about for a while.

My girl takes trips for her business a lot that are also "fun" trips. Sometimes they happen to be right when I get home from long trainings or whatever and while I would love to spend that time with her, I know those trips are important to her and she works hard to make them happen, and I don't want to take that away from her. Her happiness is my priority.