[Lups]

Maybe you guys can make me understand this, since after hours of thinking about the conversation I had with a friend of mine, I can not understand her logic.

My friend is a female, in her early fifties. She has a really bad marriage behind her and after that her dating history consists of men younger than 30 years of age.

Today she showed up to have lunch with me and apparently she has found her old fling, and after listening about how wonderful he is (except he hasn't aged so well, doesn't have a creative job anymore but one that pays the bills, his sense of humor is crude and personality snippy, but otherwise a dream!!) she started on their weekend plans.

It was made clear they are not dating and since she's in the west, the man next to great lakes, it's not like they are having wild sex daily. She got really mad at me because of my reaction over her complaint about her flying over there to see him and him only offering to pay majority of her trip. She basically told me I have no right to make her feel like a gold digger, this is the way of America!

This is not the first time I get really confused over this shit, but can you, old wise ones explain to me how on earth you have let this be the expected way? I get it that people in serious relationships share their wealth, but how is that you need to roll over and expect to cover every expense from the start?

Oh, I told her that a part of being a grownup is to handle her own finances, and I doubt I'll see her again after this all...

[M_Six]

You're not seriously asking men to explain women are you?

[Lups]

Originally Posted by M_Six

You're not seriously asking men to explain women are you?

Yup, and explain how on earth this situation has developed!

Go for it! I've already had my culture shock quota filled so this can't be a bad idea.

[P1]

I would not call her a gold digger, but it's not uncommon for women to expect men to pay for this. Of course, the man then expects something in return. This happens all over the world Lups!

[Lups]

Originally Posted by P1et

I would not call her a gold digger, but it's not uncommon for women to expect men to pay for this. Of course, the man then expects something in return. This happens all over the world Lups!

I didn't call her a gold digger, I asked her simply why on earth should he pay her way? And sex is no reason, we like it too, that's a huge secret not to be told to men so shhh!

[Mr.SugarSkulls]

Let your friend know a strapping handsome 26 year old awaits her in Southern California in 3 weeks once I'm back from Australia with the "sex in return for free trip"

I just saved your friendship. You're welcome.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by MrSugarSkulls

Let your friend know a strapping handsome 26 year old awaits her in Southern California with the sex for free trip

I just saved your friendship. You're welcome.

Dude I'm afraid this friendship is beyond saving.

She's really smart and open, and I respect her for that but sadly I come from a different world.

Lets use us two as an example.

I have high hopes of you making a record that would make my driving playlist change for once. I decide you need really kinky material for it and i forget I'm not single and decide to provide it.

I'd tell you when I'd be there, and in which hotel. I wouldn't expect you to change your schedule for me if not given at least two weeks warning and if I felt like your performance was going down, I'd take you to dinner and you wouldn't lose a cent.

Now, let's say we have been serious about getting closer, and we'd find we need to see if we could make it in real world? You can buy dinner, I'd still be paying for my own ticket since I wouldn't expect you to want me to cover your costs for flying in to meet me either.

Come on guys! A guy needs to be a really good friend/ the one I love for me not to feel like shit for letting them spend on me. It doesn't matter if we're talking about a car, a lunch, or a trip. I'd feel weird because if I wanted to be there, I would go. Here it's so damn different, to have a pair of legs to spread is a free ride?

I don't get two things. One, why would you want to be used, and two, why is it okay for you to be used?

Anyway, I doubt this tiny cultural difference will be swept under a carpet. If a person truly thinks she's entitled to bitch about a hotel costs because she wishes to sleep alone, I think I would have little to give.

[MrPrena]

I like your straight forward approach. Most of my stupid friends who blow their money away for their younger (-12 or younger) is blinded by their vagina that I don't even approach with straight forwardness. It makes me ROFL, but they are in serious delusional denial that they are all that!

I would just say, "good for you, but be cautious" type of approach.

Some people just have retarded ego that
"wow, since I have money/looks/edumacation/good job/great asset/inheritance, I can find hot young women."

I would slowly phase out those immature friends (regardless of in 30s 40s or even 50s), and find someone.

It is better to be a loner than have tons of dumb friends who bothers you for little shit. (little shit, such as "oh i fought with my gf who is 15 years younger, and I wanna get drunk!")

Originally Posted by Lups

Maybe you guys can make me understand this, since after hours of thinking about the conversation I had with a friend of mine, I can not understand her logic.

My friend is a female, in her early fifties. She has a really bad marriage behind her and after that her dating history consists of men younger than 30 years of age.

Today she showed up to have lunch with me and apparently she has found her old fling, and after listening about how wonderful he is (except he hasn't aged so well, doesn't have a creative job anymore but one that pays the bills, his sense of humor is crude and personality snippy, but otherwise a dream!!) she started on their weekend plans.

It was made clear they are not dating and since she's in the west, the man next to great lakes, it's not like they are having wild sex daily. She got really mad at me because of my reaction over her complaint about her flying over there to see him and him only offering to pay majority of her trip. She basically told me I have no right to make her feel like a gold digger, this is the way of America!

This is not the first time I get really confused over this shit, but can you, old wise ones explain to me how on earth you have let this be the expected way? I get it that people in serious relationships share their wealth, but how is that you need to roll over and expect to cover every expense from the start?

Oh, I told her that a part of being a grownup is to handle her own finances, and I doubt I'll see her again after this all...

[Lups]

Originally Posted by MrPrena

I like your straight forward approach. Most of my stupid friends who blow their money away for their younger (-12 or younger) is blinded by their vagina that I don't even approach with straight forwardness. It makes me ROFL, but they are in serious delusional denial that they are all that!

I would just say, "good for you, but be cautious" type of approach.

Some people just have retarded ego that
"wow, since I have money/looks/edumacation/good job/great asset/inheritance, I can find hot young women."

I would slowly phase out those immature friends (regardless of in 30s 40s or even 50s), and find someone.

It is better to be a loner than have tons of dumb friends who bothers you for little shit. (little shit, such as "oh i fought with my gf who is 15 years younger, and I wanna get drunk!")

That's the thing! She's 20+ years older than I!

I mean, she lives by rules that are more lenient than these now. She has a job, money, house, cars.

Prenna, I expect a friend invitation from you. Anything less would be seen as accepting this.


I truly am not a cheap to keep. Hell, we have grocery bills no one would consider normal because I feed people outside our family. It's not uncommon to our house to have babies/ kids/ adults in the table or even living with us (usually badly beaten up women) none of my family saw coming the night before.

I still try to pay my weight, since I know how much is spent on my hobbies.

[Mr.SugarSkulls]

Originally Posted by Lups

Dude I'm afraid this friendship is beyond saving.

She's really smart and open, and I respect her for that but sadly I come from a different world.

Lets use us two as an example.

I have high hopes of you making a record that would make my driving playlist change for once. I decide you need really kinky material for it and i forget I'm not single and decide to provide it.

I'd tell you when I'd be there, and in which hotel. I wouldn't expect you to change your schedule for me if not given at least two weeks warning and if I felt like your performance was going down, I'd take you to dinner and you wouldn't lose a cent.

Now, let's say we have been serious about getting closer, and we'd find we need to see if we could make it in real world? You can buy dinner, I'd still be paying for my own ticket since I wouldn't expect you to want me to cover your costs for flying in to meet me either.

Come on guys! A guy needs to be a really good friend/ the one I love for me not to feel like shit for letting them spend on me. It doesn't matter if we're talking about a car, a lunch, or a trip. I'd feel weird because if I wanted to be there, I would go. Here it's so damn different, to have a pair of legs to spread is a free ride?

I don't get two things. One, why would you want to be used, and two, why is it okay for you to be used?

Anyway, I doubt this tiny cultural difference will be swept under a carpet. If a person truly thinks she's entitled to bitch about a hotel costs because she wishes to sleep alone, I think I would have little to give.

Well, it's not OK to be used...per say, but us men are simpletons.

A lot of men, don't have much standards so forgive my French but the saying "pu$$y is pu$$y" is very much alive. Personally- I'm much more selective given who i am, and don't want to risk screwing up everything I've worked so hard for.

In your hypothetical situation- I feel your first example is all it takes. I've never really had a "serious" relationship so I can't chime in on the second scenario.

However- don't ask me why- but you using me to write an insanely awesome with a mix of sexual prowess fueled by real life stimulation is as good as it gets for an artist. To create a memory in song and hope to have others relate. You get your record, I get my motivation. Fair trade off.

Maybe she didn't like hearing the word gold digger or the insinuation- however, that's what she technically did. She expected free because she gave up what most heterosexual males wants/ the thing in between females legs that we don't have. In all honesty- as long as she feels she's getting a good bargain for it- males don't require much more than that.

In the end- girls are from Venus and boys are from Mars.

[UncleWede]

And Martians always pay for Venusians to rocket over

[Mr.SugarSkulls]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

And Martians always pay for Venusians to rocket over

LOL YES

[MrPrena]

What I've noticed is that some people do mature by age. Some people also mature in majority of the area/topic/subjects, but they lack few.

I will give you an example. One of my close female friend who is in similar age group as I (in 30s), and she just spent $$$$ on a boob job. lol
There is nothing wrong with boob job.

I really wanted to say:
"WHat the hell is wrong with 34b?"
"IF I were you, I would have contributed that $ into your retirement or your kids college fund"

In front of her, I say "If you think that is the wisest thing to spend $$$ on, okay."

Although I am not straight forward with her, I think it is the best thing to do.
I mean, my friend doesn't get why I spend so much $$ on automobiles. She said Kia or Hyundai drives the same as Ms and Nissan. She doesn't get why I spend that much on automobiles, and I don't get why she spend that much money on boob job.

That being said, (for me) I would just say
"that is great! As long as it makes you happy"
I "guess" your friend being doing that is a way to express her midlife? who knows.....




Disclaimer: There is nothing wrong with boob job. I've seen people who had masocetomy doing it, and i have zero problems with it.

Originally Posted by Lups

That's the thing! She's 20+ years older than I!

I mean, she lives by rules that are more lenient than these now. She has a job, money, house, cars.

Prenna, I expect a friend invitation from you. Anything less would be seen as accepting this.


I truly am not a cheap to keep. Hell, we have grocery bills no one would consider normal because I feed people outside our family. It's not uncommon to our house to have babies/ kids/ adults in the table or even living with us (usually badly beaten up women) none of my family saw coming the night before.

I still try to pay my weight, since I know how much is spent on my hobbies.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by MrSugarSkulls

Well, it's not OK to be used...per say, but us men are simpletons.

A lot of men, don't have much standards so forgive my French but the saying "pu$$y is pu$$y" is very much alive. Personally- I'm much more selective given who i am, and don't want to risk screwing up everything I've worked so hard for.

In your hypothetical situation- I feel your first example is all it takes. I've never really had a "serious" relationship so I can't chime in on the second scenario.

However- don't ask me why- but you using me to write an insanely awesome with a mix of sexual prowess fueled by real life stimulation is as good as it gets for an artist. To create a memory in song and hope to have others relate. You get your record, I get my motivation. Fair trade off.

Maybe she didn't like hearing the word gold digger or the insinuation- however, that's what she technically did. She expected free because she gave up what most heterosexual males wants/ the thing in between females legs that we don't have. In all honesty- as long as she feels she's getting a good bargain for it- males don't require much more than that.

In the end- girls are from Venus and boys are from Mars.

Hahaha!

Make me new driving songs!

Seriously, where the fuck am I from then?

I know I've never had true female friends or female family members I could rely on, but even with that history and having seen what we do? Seriously?

Guys, if she wants you, she'll get there. If you don't want her, don't go there. Easy.

[ShopVac]

Originally Posted by Lups

? And sex is no reason, we like it too, that's a huge secret not to be told to men so shhh!

I'm going to PM you my wife's phone number...can you please call her and tell her this. I don't think she got that memo.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by ShopVac

I'm going to PM you my wife's phone number...can you please call her and tell her this. I don't think she got that memo.

Haha, that conversation would go well I imagine.

[g_petko]

carve might want a piece of this thread

[dreamingat30fps]

Isn't gold digger just a fancy name for whore?

[M6-Coupe]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Isn't gold digger just a fancy name for whore?

LOL... the mixture of emotion of course...

[Lups]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Isn't gold digger just a fancy name for whore?

But the thing is, this is his expecting, she isn't marrying the guy.

I know the whole dilemma seems odd. But we've had conversations here often enough about who's hot and who's not, who has the gf you want to drool on and who is to be envied, but are they really to be envied if this is the other did of the coin?

I would hate to date/ marry a person who thought I was after his money and I would never bother to date one who was after mine.

I was talking about this in a cars and coffee meet with my friend today and he kindly explained to me that in his 35 years, about 15% of women had gone for his looks, 2% for his brain, and the rest was always after what he could give to them.

Seriously, women are no more stupid than you and they also find the easy ways as you do. My problem is that you allow women to be idiots.

As disclaimer I offer that anyone who went for my looks has not survived the moment I open my mouth. I lost the will to be pleasant a very long time ago.

[grieverr]

Originally Posted by Lups

Seriously, women are no more stupid than you and they also find the easy ways as you do. My problem is that you allow women to be idiots.

I think that's really the idea here.

If he is the one making/allowing the arrangements, why wouldn't she take it? She gets a free trip and a boy toy. And she can claim innocence by saying that it was all his doing. Her paying her own way and being respectable about it, to me, requires a certain moral attitude of "I can/want to provide for myself".

Back in the day, when I was applying for college, I was offered a $1,000 grant just because of my ethnicity. I declined it because I was offended that someone would think that just because I was from a certain demographic that I would want their money. I thought that if someone were to "invest" in me, it would be because of whatever credentials I may have had at the time. So I thought my pride was more important than "pity" money. All my friends called me stupid for denying free money.

Maybe your friend has no pride?! Or maybe she's not stupid

[g_petko]

People are weird and sometimes stupid, so I gave up trying to understand others I have my expectations from the 'other' person who is going to be in my life. I learned the hard way that being nice and trying not to hurt peoples feelings by being PC gets you no where.

In this case, if he is dumb enough to pay (for what is essentially sounding like a barter in him paying travel for sex with her) then leave that problem with him. She is just along for the ride