[Graves]

What is up everyone. Sorry, I just had to bitch and complain as I sit here behind my computer slaving away at work for the next 24 hours. I can't stand women who use children as a pawn in their sick little game of chess. Here's the back story.

I am active duty military and have been for 16 years now. My ex-wife and I split several years ago when I was stationed at Fort Campbell in Kentucky. Upon our separation we had a decent time sharing schedule worked out and for the most part it was not an issue. Every once in a while she would get a wild hair up her ass and make things difficult.

Last December I was supposed to get my children for the holiday, approximately 2 weeks. When I went to Florida to get my kids (where they live) from Missouri which is where I am stationed now she refused to let me have them. Basically, her reasoning was that a mother should never have to have a holiday without her children. Eventually I was able to see them for about 3 days when she decided to drop them off at my father's on the 28th of December. There were some other instances where she did not let me see them and denied me my visitation rights previously to this, so once this Christmas incident happened I went ahead and got a lawyer.

Since December of last year I have seen my kids for a total of 6 days. No, I am not deployed and I have made numerous trips to Florida in an attempt to reason with her and see them. All my attempts failed. This summer I was supposed to have them for 4 weeks, and when I went to see them for my scheduled summer visitation per the time sharing agreement signed by court, she refused to let me have them unless I had specific car seats. I had purchased 50 state legal high back boosters with harnesses. My girlfriend and I drove down in her Chevy Sonic LT Turbo hatchback to get the kids and bring them to Missouri. So after going back and forth with this broad about car seats I propose that she let me use the ones she has and I will bring them back. She agrees to that eventually and I think the problem is solved; however, that was not the case.

I was about 30 minutes out from her house in Tampa and she texts me saying she changed her mind and wants me to purchase different car seats. So I'm like "WTF". She explains that she called Chevrolet and they gave her the specs on our car and what car seats we should have. I explain to her that she is being petty and ridiculous about this, that the car seats I have are fine and perfectly safe. Mind you, the seats she wants me to get are $700 a piece and she refuses as well to let me have the kids unless I get 3 of them, 2 for my kids and 1 for my girlfriends son. So at this point I am getting irritated as fuck. So I take our parenting plan to the Hillsborough county sheriffs to see if they can assist me and of course they cannot. In fact, they were rude as hell and completely useless.

I text my ex wife at this point and explain again that the seats I have are fine and that I am not buying $2,100 in car seats to appease her horseshit. She then says I can use her van and drive it back to Missouri and then return it when I drop the kids off. I tell her no way, because we have a perfectly fine car and perfectly good car seats that many American's use daily without incident. She then tells me those are her conditions and the safety of "her" children is top priority. I'm like "what the fuck ever, they are our children and I am more than capable as a father and in many ways more capable than you". At this point I am beyond angry and decide to head back to my fathers rather than go to her house and possibly put her face through the concrete like American History X.

I get back to my fathers and her and I go back and forth for another few hours. Eventually I just give up completely because I have to leave that evening to get back home because my leave ends the following day at midnight. I call my lawyer first thing Monday and explain that we need to move forward with this case and end this before I leave for Germany in March. I did not want to have to deal with all this while overseas and run the risk of spending lots of money flying to the states only to get fucked out of visitation.

Fast forwarding to the middle of last month, we had the final court hearing, or what was supposed to be the final hearing. Here is the best part in my mind (not really the best, I am being facetious), I was on the stand from 1000 until 1805 that evening explaining why I should be allowed to see the children that I helped create, pay for, and love unconditionally. I had to explain why I love my children and what makes me a fit father when I have never done a thing wrong concerning my children. In fact, my children (3 and 5 years old) would rather live with me than their mother, I'm almost certain of that. I have had to lie to them for the last year telling them that the Army keeps daddy busy and that is why he has not been able to see you. I fucking hate that bullshit. That was without question, the hardest and most emotionally draining experience of my life. I have 56 months in Iraq and 12 months in Afghanistan, and those 8 hours on the stand were far more stressfully and grueling that any of my deployments. Nothing like having to justify why you should be allowed to see your children and painted as some sort of common criminal. I mean, I did not refuse to let her see the children, she did it to me; however, nothing was said to her and nothing was done. She got away with violating a court order. If I had done that as a father, or forgot to pay my $1,200 a month in child support I would be fucking crucified.

So here I am, $42,653.81 later and I still have not seen my kids and shit still is not over. that is almost as much as I make a year, lol. I had no debt prior to this and now I have exhaust my savings, racked up mad credit card debt and no relief in sight. And to top it off she has requested reimbursement for her lawyer fees. She wants me to pay her back for having to take her to court for refusing to let me see my kids.

The entitlement that a lot of women feel they have is unbelievable to me. This system is so corrupt and archaic I have no idea what to think or say. She has denied me going on a year of seeing my children and nothing has been done to her. No punishment, no make up time sharing, nothing. Instead a father had to testify under oath what makes him a good father for 8 fucking hours.

Anyhow, that is my rant, sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent.

[Lups]

I'm trying to think of a reason why a mothers love is so much better for a child than a father's love.

What the fuck is wrong with us women if using a child in this way to hurt an ex is okay!

[Graves]

Originally Posted by Lups

I'm trying to think of a reason why a mothers love is so much better for a child than a father's love.

What the fuck is wrong with us women if using a child in this way to hurt an ex is okay!

I really hate this archaic system. The mother and father are equally important unless they are abusive dirt bags. Honestly, I do not think either should be more privileged than the other. It just sucks the way things are. I just want to see my kids and spend time with them, that's all. I don't care about paying child support, doesn't bother me one bit.

[The Choosey begger]

Even if kills you not seeing your kids, dont let her know that because, like you said she has no problem using your kids as pawns to hurt you.
She's still bitter...women are crazy.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Graves

I really hate this archaic system. The mother and father are equally important unless they are abusive dirt bags. Honestly, I do not think either should be more privileged than the other. It just sucks the way things are. I just want to see my kids and spend time with them, that's all. I don't care about paying child support, doesn't bother me one bit.

Agreed. I'm truly sorry for you.

[Graves]

Originally Posted by Lups

Agreed. I'm truly sorry for you.

Its all good. I just wanted to bitch and complain.

[overcoil]

That was a very well written story, I'm sitting here seething at that mother.

[smoosh]

Sorry to hear about this and thank you for sharing. Excuse me for my bluntness, but that's a real piece of shit of an ex-wife you have there. Why she thinks she's entitled to 100% of the kids' time, when you are paying child support and wanting to see the children, is beyond me. Pretty selfish move from what sounds like a very selfish person; not just selfish for her between you and her, but also for her between the kids.

Question: (And I'm just curious here, not trying to rub anything in, don't feel you need to answer.) Didn't you notice qualities in this woman before you married her/had children with her that made you reconsider whether that one's the right one? Or did she just take a 180 right when she birthed the children?

[Graves]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Sorry to hear about this and thank you for sharing. Excuse me for my bluntness, but that's a real piece of shit of an ex-wife you have there. Why she thinks she's entitled to 100% of the kids' time, when you are paying child support and wanting to see the children, is beyond me. Pretty selfish move from what sounds like a very selfish person; not just selfish for her between you and her, but also for her between the kids.

Question: (And I'm just curious here, not trying to rub anything in, don't feel you need to answer.) Didn't you notice qualities in this woman before you married her/had children with her that made you reconsider whether that one's the right one? Or did she just take a 180 right when she birthed the children?

She was very different when we got married. She was in the Army, loved to work, was playful and fun. Here's the problem, I am the type of man and person that will go above and beyond 24/7 for the one I love. She got lazy because I did everything and her self entitledness that her mother exhibited starting coming out. By then it was too late. She never worked, never cleaned, just say around and watched our kids play or watch TV. She was a hot mess. I tried everything to make things work, but it was not meant to be. I had my problems too, but to answer your question no, she did not exhibit these traits till after the fact. Here's how lazy and sorry of a person she is.

She has a Florida tag that says "Women Veteran". However, she never even graduated AIT because she got hurt. But she lives off the VA and makes bank because of it claiming everything. She's no fucking veteran unless AIT changed and they use live ISIS fighters for training. She is bottom feeding garbage. She is a decent mother though, so I cannot take that from her.

[amgraham]

Sorry to hear about this. I hope I'm never in this situation.

I would call BS on her calling Chevrolet and getting a "recommendation". I doubt that Chevrolet/GM is in the business of recommending certain seats especially given how often models change and there seem to be more recalls on child car seats than cars themselves sometimes. They're not going to keep track of seat model changes, fitment, ratings and recalls. A quick search shows a number of respectable organizations that do recommend certain models for a Sonic, or smaller cars in general, but I don't see anything officially from Chevrolet or GM. You'd think, if they were recommending models, they'd put that info out there and not force customers to contact a call center. They do have some "guidelines" for selecting a child seat but... I don't see any specific models mentioned.

The only exception to that might be in the case of, for example, Porsche who might recommend their OEM seats for certain tough-to-fit models, like the back seat of a 911. .and even those are "only" $700.

It sounds more like she searched for car seats then sorted on "Price - High to Low" and picked the one at the top of the list for a convenient "excuse". Did she also insist using a Louis Vitton diaper bag?

[Chappers 71]

Unfortunate situation, easy to say but try to not let it get to you.
Thank you for your service.

[Graves]

Originally Posted by amgraham

Sorry to hear about this. I hope I'm never in this situation.

I would call BS on her calling Chevrolet and getting a "recommendation". I doubt that Chevrolet/GM is in the business of recommending certain seats especially given how often models change and there seem to be more recalls on child car seats than cars themselves sometimes. They're not going to keep track of seat model changes, fitment, ratings and recalls. A quick search shows a number of respectable organizations that do recommend certain models for a Sonic, or smaller cars in general, but I don't see anything officially from Chevrolet or GM. You'd think, if they were recommending models, they'd put that info out there and not force customers to contact a call center. They do have some "guidelines" for selecting a child seat but... I don't see any specific models mentioned.

The only exception to that might be in the case of, for example, Porsche who might recommend their OEM seats for certain tough-to-fit models, like the back seat of a 911. .and even those are "only" $700.

It sounds more like she searched for car seats then sorted on "Price - High to Low" and picked the one at the top of the list for a convenient "excuse". Did she also insist using a Louis Vitton diaper bag?

Yeah man, it was straight horse shit. She got the inside dimensions of the car and then the car seats width and computed the numbers and decided that it was unsafe. She's a lunatic.

[Graves]

Originally Posted by Chappers 71

Unfortunate situation, easy to say but try to not let it get to you.
Thank you for your service.

So hard sitting up there on the stand and not wanting to come out of my chair and go full retard.

[The Choosey begger]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Sorry to hear about this and thank you for sharing. Excuse me for my bluntness, but that's a real piece of shit of an ex-wife you have there. Why she thinks she's entitled to 100% of the kids' time, when you are paying child support and wanting to see the children, is beyond me. Pretty selfish move from what sounds like a very selfish person; not just selfish for her between you and her, but also for her between the kids.

Question: (And I'm just curious here, not trying to rub anything in, don't feel you need to answer.) Didn't you notice qualities in this woman before you married her/had children with her that made you reconsider whether that one's the right one? Or did she just take a 180 right when she birthed the children?

They're all crazy, it comes down to how much you're willing to put up with.

People used to tell me how lucky i was to have my ex, she even volunteered at the local homeless shelter from time to time and made sure everybody knew about it.
That was just for show, she was very calculated and selfish if you really knew her.

[Graves]

Originally Posted by anglo

They're all crazy, it comes down to how much you're willing to put up with.

People used to tell me how lucky i was to have my ex, she even volunteered at the local homeless shelter from time to time and made sure everybody knew about it.
That was just for show, she was very calculated and selfish if you really knew her.

Sounds like mine. My daughter does cheerleading, something that her mom got her into, and of course she's that prototypical super cheer mom. I want to tare my own head off and shit down my throat.

[The Choosey begger]

Originally Posted by Graves

Sounds like mine. My daughter does cheerleading, something that her mom got her into, and of course she's that prototypical super cheer mom. I want to tare my own head off and shit down my throat.

Before we split, it gotten so bad i called my ex's mom, she couldn't defend her daughter's actions, all she said was " Well, you picked her."

Her favorite song when we started dating was "when you see my face i hope it gives you hell..." That should've been a sign.

[Graves]

Originally Posted by anglo

Before we split, it gotten so bad i called my ex's mom, she couldn't defend her daughter's actions, all she said was " Well, you picked up her."

Her favorite song when we started dating was "when you see my face i hope it gives you hell..." That should've been a sign.

LMFAO!!!

[CTinline-six]

Looks like you only have one choice...



Seriously though that sucks. Thank you for your service. The fact that you have to lie to your kids about "daddy is busy with the military" is complete bullshit.

Kids are smart, I would stop telling them that. Let them figure it out. Once they realize their mother is the reason they aren't seeing you things might change. The same thing happened to my previous boss. He was a much better caretaker of his son, and the mother was preventing him from seeing his son. Well once the son reached about 15 (they divorced when he was 7), he started getting pretty pissed off. My boss got a much better lawyer who documented every single thing and now my boss has full custody of his son because the son chose to live with him, and his ex wife was also ignoring court orders for sharing custody.

If your ex-wife is ignoring court orders, and nothing is being done, then something is seriously wrong with our legal system. Has your lawyer been documenting all of the dates that she denied you to see them?

[Graves]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Looks like you only have one choice...



Seriously though that sucks. Thank you for your service. The fact that you have to lie to your kids about "daddy is busy with the military" is complete bullshit.

Kids are smart, I would stop telling them that. Let them figure it out. Once they realize their mother is the reason they aren't seeing you things might change. The same thing happened to my previous boss. He was a much better caretaker of his son, and the mother was preventing him from seeing his son. Well once the son reached about 15 (they divorced when he was 7), he started getting pretty pissed off. My boss got a much better lawyer who documented every single thing and now my boss has full custody of his son because the son chose to live with him, and his ex wife was also ignoring court orders for sharing custody.

If your ex-wife is ignoring court orders, and nothing is being done, then something is seriously wrong with our legal system. Has your lawyer been documenting all of the dates that she denied you to see them?

Yeah my lawyer has. He's been pretty great, cost a lot, but been good. The final hearing is this Monday and hopefully that'll be it. Hopefully things go my way.

[are0lies]

I feel bad for you, especially with the anxiety of having the pressure of this included with your leaving on duty. Considering that you mentioned that she is a good mother, I get the feeling that she, as someone else mentioned is bitter, but mostly because you picked up with your life and have soemone lese in your life. I believe it must bother her enough to use the only leverage she has against you, and that, of course, is the denial of your visitation. But the idea of treating the kids well, also includes the mental and emotional aspects, which it seems she is failing at. I especially feel for your kids and your parents (their grandparents), who in many of these cases always pay the heaviest price. I wish you the best.

[Graves]

Originally Posted by are0lies

I feel bad for you, especially with the anxiety of having the pressure of this included with your leaving on duty. Considering that you mentioned that she is a good mother, I get the feeling that she, as someone else mentioned is bitter, but mostly because you picked up with your life and have soemone lese in your life. I believe it must bother her enough to use the only leverage she has against you, and that, of course, is the denial of your visitation. But the idea of treating the kids well, also includes the mental and emotional aspects, which it seems she is failing at. I especially feel for your kids and your parents (their grandparents), who in many of these cases always pay the heaviest price. I wish you the best.

She at least makes an attempt to let my parents see them since they only live an hour away. However, you are correct given that she is causing emotional harm to the children by punishing them by not letting me see them. Shitty thing is they are so young and cannot see what she's doing. To them, everything looks fine. It's heart breaking. I think the worst part for me other than not seeing them is feeling as though being a father is a curse and punishment. Just because I am a man I am less entitled to children and less qualified. Shit is ridiculous.

[are0lies]

Originally Posted by Graves

She at least makes an attempt to let my parents see them since they only live an hour away. However, you are correct given that she is causing emotional harm to the children by punishing them by not letting me see them. Shitty thing is they are so young and cannot see what she's doing. To them, everything looks fine. It's heart breaking. I think the worst part for me other than not seeing them is feeling as though being a father is a curse and punishment. Just because I am a man I am less entitled to children and less qualified. Shit is ridiculous.

As I said, I think she is bitter about you having someone else in your life, and she has a hard time with that. I sincerely believe that she will calm down once she finds a man in her own life because then she can aim her energy on that relationship. Just remember, kids are not dumb, they see much more than we give them credit for. And, if I were in your shoes, I would tell them the truth, but never in a way that belittles their mom, or that will completely work against you. Everything is temporary.