[brianeck]

"Hey, Hans. Looks like we can't make the grill any bigger without sacrificing structural integrity."

Hans looked up at his assistant design engineer and his lips curled into a confident, knowing smile. "Hah! I've been waiting for this moment my dear Wilfred. . . "SIEGFRIED SEND IN THE PACKAGE." Seconds later Siegfried returns with a medium sized box covered in shipping labels and clearance exceptions from China.

"Wilfred. . . What do you know about. . . Ali Express? With these Fast and the Furious High Quality Undercarriage LED lights installed surrounding the grills, viewers of this car will be captivated and enthralled by the glory of our design cues!"

Hans takes a quick look around the room. "Our marketing experts have already run a deep dive analysis via catered focus groups. They've run a placebo controlled study with 2 groups of 16 cars with and without the Ali Express lights in front of 100 different species of moths and 99/100 species preferred the versions with the lights."

Hans scratches his chin and turns to salute the 2024 JD Power and Associates Shanghai's Best award on the wall in the main foyer. With a sly chuckle, he continued. "What's more, my dear Hans. . . the one species of moth which did not migrate to the light up cars landed on the only manual transmission car in the experiment and began copulating profusely."

Han's looks up and exclaims "That means our theory about the Manual Transmissions is correct!"

"That's right." Wilfred scratches his not insignificant stash of chin whiskers. "It means anyone who prefers a Manual Transmission can get stuffed from behind!"

But Wilfred, marketing has been pushing that concept down our moist throats for years now, so surely this is just -"

"Quite right Hans - its just the nail in the coffin. What's more interesting is that half of the light up grill cars also came equipped with new panoramic 3D layout operating at full brightness and would you believe it, 30% more moths congregated around the windshields of those cars!"

Wow, that's incredible!" Hans looks truly amazed. "This means that all living creatures must prefer the the new Panoramic Heads Up Display Technology, and are ready to completely eliminate 50 years of technological development in tactile buttons. Praise marketing! Glory to the eternal data aggregation engine!"

"Yes my dear Hans, but we must move quickly! Sack the 2 models we were releasing new manuals on once and for all and recall the Z4s. Take the buttons out of all the cars, and for goodness' sake SIEGFRIED! Go get some bins of arbitrary loose shiny black plastic bits out of retention from the 2023 7 Series Storage Locker so we can start royally f***ing up the 3 series! There is no time to waste!"