[grimlock]

So i was watching this guy's videos https://www.youtube.com/user/BuddhistSocietyWA/videos and it just occured to me a large part of "happiness", or rather UN-hapiness, is in fact programmed into us.
By sadistic parents.
And perpetuated by sadistic, power-tripping bosses,cops - even random people you encounter everyday on the street.
Explanation:
Every played with a baby? Unless it's crying, it's probably giggling or having fun of some sorts.
Why? I don't know - just because..?
Unless the child hurts itself, is hungry, sick or bothered by something, it is largely content - happy.
Then witness a caregiver -especially as the child gets older and responsibilities enter the stage- for no legitimate reason do something to make the child cry - under the pretense of "You must do this, because this.."
Parents do this simply because it was done to them - therefor it must be true, and if it is true, why wouldn't you do it - baby can't be happy and carefree forever.
Granted - immunisations, homework, going to bed - are all legitimate tasks that must be carried out, and in the absence of higher-order cortical comprehension by the child, coercion must be used, and hopefully the child will grow to see the logic and not develop psychosis from it.

But no parent will readily admit to unnecessary use of force.. heck I have this weird flip thing I do to my cat because the sight of it makes me just want to do it. I know it is wrong, and I try not to do it, but good luck - you will keep doing it. That is what power is.

I imagine the psychopathic cop waiting in lie for you to commit the traffic infraction has the same feeling, and 9 times out of 10 you are probably in a pretty good mode when you make the mistake because it is well known in psychology the happier you are the more stupid things you do and your 'threat level' goes way, way down - like being drunk.

I have noticed it takes a long, long time to become happy - for the stars to align - you getting that little thing you say to yourself you must have before you 'allow' yourself to be - but that it doesn't last very long because you have been pulled over for some stupid infraction, some asswipe taxi driver cut you off deliberately - and soon you are bitterly complaining to the sadist in uniform or flying off the handle engaging in road rage to avenge the insult to your happiness.

Does this happen to you too?

(to be continued)

[grimlock]

To prove it is not just a carelessness thing - when you're walking on the street and really really happy, and everyone can see - sooner or later you will come across a miserable asshole, who, given he/she has the ability to, will do something to get on your nerves - be it walking into your path, providing poor service - just anything they can in an attempt to ruin your positive mood?
Why? Just because they can't stand you being happy.
Beside acting miserable, which is not really viable option as it defeats the purpose, the only solution is to smile and be MORE happy to the person who is 'challenging' your happiness. I believe the mistake is made here for most people as they do not recognize the dynamics of sadism and the apparent act - but I believe once you return more happiness to the offender they should get the message and leave you alone, even though you may have to swallow a ticket, but in this day and age the legal ways someone can do something just to fuck with you are very very limited.
Better still, develope a radar for miserable people who are likely to offend against you and LAUGH at them before they have even made their attempt.

[grimlock]

So back on topic.
You will be more happy once you realise a large part of unhappiness is archaic residue that you NEED to do something, to obtain something, or a certain set of circumstances, to be happy.
This is entirely parental programming.
They wanted you to do something, so they made you cry until you did it.
That is why happiness is so rarely achieved, and when it is it doesn't last for very long.
Because you need to GET something, and all it takes is one sadist move (which works because you are not aware of where it comes from, that it is in operation) to knock you off and have you starting all over again.
That's it.
Identify the dick moves your parents/caregivers put on you, see how your actions to obtain 'happiness' are based entirely on this faulty, non-existent reasoning, and that's it you should be free from conditioned unhappiness.

[Whostheboss]

This is one of the reasons i stopped posting on facebook.

A lot of my face book friends (or enemies) get very angry when i post positive status.

[Eat.Sleep.Race]

i think a great family, finacial stability, and a nice 335i is what makes me happy everyday.

[Nkc]

Interesting and I must ask again, please pass me your dealer's contact.

I started a thread a while ago asking people who's happy and why. Well that died fast because you start to sound/look like an ass when you come off as the happiest person alive. I've looked deep into the meaning of happiness for 4 years and in a way, I've re-taught myself how to be genuinely happy. To actually think hard and write down the things that bring me joy. Its usually the simplest things that get me off and most of the time (luckily for me) it's free. Money does help buy happiness but not in the materialistic way. For me, it buys time and freedom to do the things that contributes to my personal happiness, even dumb things like vacuuming and mopping the floor. The feeling that its not a choir (in an OCD kind of way) can make anything fun. To do stupid things and let your guard down like you mentioned and feeling free from the set of rules society has set to determine how a person should act or feel.

As we all become bogged down with responsibilities, we forget to find the happy in each situation. I see a lot of really miserable people especially in HK and it just sucks. Long hours, always rushed, always busy, pissed at this, complain at that and it never stops. Its also a place full of haters. If you've got money then you probably got lucky or was born into money, if you're poor then I ain't got time for you. I also read this stupid thing that they teach kids in elementary school here, "A rich man needs....., a poor man has....., if you eat..... you will die" One 7 letter word fits in all 3 blanks.

The stupid fucking answer was "nothing". Who the fuck gave you the right to teach kids that a poor man has nothing and a rich man needs nothing? Anyway that's the miserable part in me that's "pissed at this, complain at that."

[Nkc]

Adding to that, I'm actually very happy that my cheapness forbids me to enjoy anything that's too luxurious. I over analyze over every purchase and try to find the best deal. After a while I figure that I probably don't need it and that in itself is happiness. I could probably buy anything that I wanted but just knowing that fact makes me happier than actually owning it. I could go into a stationary store knowing I have to buy a stapler for example, stare and compare prices for 10-15 staplers and come out of the store saying, fuck it, I can't afford it, although old, small and always gets stuck, I've got a perfectly good one at home.

Having a son made it a lot easier for me to be happy. I'm just fascinated by the things he does/learns on a daily basis. Swimming with him is my new happy now.

[ddk632]

This thread makes me happy.

[8k3]

I want to be happy. I struggle with it as of late. Bad relationships sucked the life and funds from me. I'm not fond of my job (engineer) and want to make a career change, been in it 10 years but have no idea what to do with myself outside of engineering (in which I have very proprietary skills for the company I work for; not good for job hunting). It pays well, but I don't care. Most people had a shit ton of fun in their 20s, I worked damn hard in school, graduated top of my class, got married because it was the "next or right" thing to do, never partied and now I look back and say was it worth it? People I know had the time of their life when young, got their shit together eventually and are fine. What did I gain? Oh well, couldn't help but posting my feelings, just not happy and wish I could find it.

[upstatedoc]

Happiness is a relative term. What makes me happy wouldn't necessarily make the next guy happy. I'm $350,000 in debt, been married 10 years, have three kids. A good BM can make my day.

[Uber V8]

Happiness is also a temporary state of mind. It is usually caused by situational factors. (i.e. new car, good food, fellatio, promotion, etc...)

Joy is from within. It usually needs no trigger and maintains itself for an extended period of time. (i.e. a bum that has nothing to his/her name but enjoys every moment that life offers)

We want joy, not happiness.

[Billup]

Took me about 4 years to get out of a rut where everything was looked at from a cynical standpoint. Never was surrounded by narcissists, although I feel my SO can be quite the narcissist now, that has taken its own toll. I feel there are a lot of things I have missed out on, that I want to do now while I am still young.

I'm not so much worried about the momentary happiness, but more or less eternal happiness.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by Whostheboss

This is one of the reasons i stopped posting on facebook.

A lot of my face book friends (or enemies) get very angry when i post positive status.

I don't get this - why does it offend ppl when you are happy?
This is what I mean by sadistic ppl.. they aren't happy unless you are unhappy..

Originally Posted by Eat.Sleep.Race

i think a great family, finacial stability, and a nice 335i is what makes me happy everyday.

are there anythings that make you unhappy - how do you deal with that?

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by Nkc

Interesting and I must ask again, please pass me your dealer's contact.

I started a thread a while ago asking people who's happy and why. Well that died fast because you start to sound/look like an ass when you come off as the happiest person alive. I've looked deep into the meaning of happiness for 4 years and in a way, I've re-taught myself how to be genuinely happy. To actually think hard and write down the things that bring me joy. Its usually the simplest things that get me off and most of the time (luckily for me) it's free. Money does help buy happiness but not in the materialistic way. For me, it buys time and freedom to do the things that contributes to my personal happiness, even dumb things like vacuuming and mopping the floor. The feeling that its not a choir (in an OCD kind of way) can make anything fun. To do stupid things and let your guard down like you mentioned and feeling free from the set of rules society has set to determine how a person should act or feel.

As we all become bogged down with responsibilities, we forget to find the happy in each situation. I see a lot of really miserable people especially in HK and it just sucks. Long hours, always rushed, always busy, pissed at this, complain at that and it never stops. Its also a place full of haters. If you've got money then you probably got lucky or was born into money, if you're poor then I ain't got time for you. I also read this stupid thing that they teach kids in elementary school here, "A rich man needs....., a poor man has....., if you eat..... you will die" One 7 letter word fits in all 3 blanks.

The stupid fucking answer was "nothing". Who the fuck gave you the right to teach kids that a poor man has nothing and a rich man needs nothing? Anyway that's the miserable part in me that's "pissed at this, complain at that."

Yeah I remember that - you said you were GAY
I am kinda the opposite - I think of things that piss me off and then try to do something about it - is this normal?
Someone could say to me, you have this and this, so you should be happy.. but then I don't that that and that, so I'm not..
I have no idea why things get on my nerve so much - is this a sign I should do something about those things - we shouldn't be annoyed by things we can't do anything about (in a circular logic fashion)

Originally Posted by Nkc

Adding to that, I'm actually very happy that my cheapness forbids me to enjoy anything that's too luxurious. I over analyze over every purchase and try to find the best deal. After a while I figure that I probably don't need it and that in itself is happiness. I could probably buy anything that I wanted but just knowing that fact makes me happier than actually owning it. I could go into a stationary store knowing I have to buy a stapler for example, stare and compare prices for 10-15 staplers and come out of the store saying, fuck it, I can't afford it, although old, small and always gets stuck, I've got a perfectly good one at home.

Having a son made it a lot easier for me to be happy. I'm just fascinated by the things he does/learns on a daily basis. Swimming with him is my new happy now.

No doubt you are in a honeymoon state - just as you were different 5 yrs before, and maybe 5 years from now you would be in a different state. Just as no one would bother reading this thread if they weren't in a similar state of thinking.
When you are happy, you are and nothing can change it, and also the opposite. This would enter the larger metaphysical question - but you probably shouldn't care (yet) just have fun with your son.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by ddk632

This thread makes me happy.

Good. Feel the love

Originally Posted by 8k3

I want to be happy. I struggle with it as of late. Bad relationships sucked the life and funds from me. I'm not fond of my job (engineer) and want to make a career change, been in it 10 years but have no idea what to do with myself outside of engineering (in which I have very proprietary skills for the company I work for; not good for job hunting). It pays well, but I don't care. Most people had a shit ton of fun in their 20s, I worked damn hard in school, graduated top of my class, got married because it was the "next or right" thing to do, never partied and now I look back and say was it worth it? People I know had the time of their life when young, got their shit together eventually and are fine. What did I gain? Oh well, couldn't help but posting my feelings, just not happy and wish I could find it.

I don't think I've had enough fun either, although I've never married at 34 I'm getting old - the other day I saw this really cute girl getting Starbucks who looked around 14 (spare me the lecture) and I could feel the simultaneous feelings of "aw so cute" in both the senses of a member of the opposite sex AND a child whose young enough to be yours

There are no second takes, gotta learn from your mistakes, take opportunity when it presents itself and minimise your future regret.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

Happiness is a relative term. What makes me happy wouldn't necessarily make the next guy happy. I'm $350,000 in debt, been married 10 years, have three kids. A good BM can make my day.

What's a BM? around here the only thing i can think of is "body massage"

Definitely relative. Look at your parents - the less you had starting out the less you it takes to content you.
I don't worry about the things they did, but still I am not content and small things drive me insane. Namely them (parents).

Originally Posted by FwdFtl

Happiness is also a temporary state of mind. It is usually caused by situational factors. (i.e. new car, good food, fellatio, promotion, etc...)

Joy is from within. It usually needs no trigger and maintains itself for an extended period of time. (i.e. a bum that has nothing to his/her name but enjoys every moment that life offers)

We want joy, not happiness.

happiness=conditional
joy=unconditional ?
This is a good way to think about it, but does it mean you have to accept that you have nothing, so therefor the loss of nothing cannot piss you off?
You must be a master zen monk.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by Billup

Took me about 4 years to get out of a rut where everything was looked at from a cynical standpoint. Never was surrounded by narcissists, although I feel my SO can be quite the narcissist now, that has taken its own toll. I feel there are a lot of things I have missed out on, that I want to do now while I am still young.

I'm not so much worried about the momentary happiness, but more or less eternal happiness.

Do you mean being happy longer-term, or in the afterlife?
I am amazed at the ability of anything to piss you off just by thinking about it, which can be anything for different people.
Do we HAVE to accept being pissed off as a part of life?

[Billup]

Originally Posted by grimlock

Do you mean being happy longer-term, or in the afterlife?
I am amazed at the ability of anything to piss you off just by thinking about it, which can be anything for different people.
Do we HAVE to accept being pissed off as a part of life?

Both. I feel if you can live a happy and fulfilled life here on earth, than you are destined to live a happy life in the after-world. I don't want to get into the after-life talk for reasons I think we all know, but I think your time here on earth will be a good representation of your being there after.

I still struggle with this from day to day, and its only because of my own decision to continue on as I have, because the only one who can make that change is myself (and YOU for YOU).

You do HAVE to accept being pissed off as a part of life. I am honestly curious how many people on this earth can say they live a full hearted happy life without stress based on their own positive perception and situational awareness. The number is probably extremely limited, because it is a fact of life, the difference is how someone can overcome and remain empowered in hard times that might put most "over the edge".

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by grimlock

What's a BM?

BM=bowel movement

[Nkc]

Originally Posted by grimlock

Yeah I remember that - you said you were GAY
I am kinda the opposite - I think of things that piss me off and then try to do something about it - is this normal?
Someone could say to me, you have this and this, so you should be happy.. but then I don't that that and that, so I'm not..
I have no idea why things get on my nerve so much - is this a sign I should do something about those things - we shouldn't be annoyed by things we can't do anything about (in a circular logic fashion)




No doubt you are in a honeymoon state - just as you were different 5 yrs before, and maybe 5 years from now you would be in a different state. Just as no one would bother reading this thread if they weren't in a similar state of thinking.
When you are happy, you are and nothing can change it, and also the opposite. This would enter the larger metaphysical question - but you probably shouldn't care (yet) just have fun with your son.

LOL and the GAY part got your attention

Have you thought about why you're pissed all the time? I'm sure everyone gets pissed at different stuff but just gotta learn to live and let live. I've given up on trying to make changes to things that shouldn't even affect me. Sometimes it is what it is and that goes for the people in your life too. I stopped comparing myself with other people and just began searching for what I wanted in life. When people say, "hey you should be happy because you have this and that" my answer is always "hey I think you're right, I am pretty damn happy actually, thanks for reminding me." Whatever happens, I always tell myself that I've been thru worse. There's always someone in a worse situation than you.

To be honest, 5 years ago I was miserable. I was working a job in a trading company where I had no place to advance. I made a promise to my gf (now wife) that we'd go to HK, test things out for 3 years and leave if things didn't pan out. I was seriously making $7500hkd a month (~$1k usd) and I was broke, dead broke. My hopes and dreams were dying and its hard to take a moment to enjoy anything when life's like that. Everything I did was miserable to a point where I made my gf miserable too for constantly bitching about us coming to HK in the first place. I was pissed at everything that was happening because I kept comparing myself to my peers. When I stopped doing that, I found myself and went on a straight path to achieving things that I personally liked/wanted. Ultimately, my goal was to be able to get married, have kids and be able to retire before they would have to go to elementary school in HK. I'd hate for them to go to school here. We would all move back to Vancouver and my kid(s) would be able to experience things that their parents were fortunate to experience in Van.

Dude, HK is a miserable place. I live in YL and I try my best to stay away for the hustle and bustle life of HK. Maybe we should grab a drink sometime and talk about the things that piss you off.

[Litos]

when I listen to The Eagles' "Peaceful Easy Feeling", I can immediately get happy....

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by Billup

Both. I feel if you can live a happy and fulfilled life here on earth, than you are destined to live a happy life in the after-world. I don't want to get into the after-life talk for reasons I think we all know, but I think your time here on earth will be a good representation of your being there after.

I still struggle with this from day to day, and its only because of my own decision to continue on as I have, because the only one who can make that change is myself (and YOU for YOU).

You do HAVE to accept being pissed off as a part of life. I am honestly curious how many people on this earth can say they live a full hearted happy life without stress based on their own positive perception and situational awareness. The number is probably extremely limited, because it is a fact of life, the difference is how someone can overcome and remain empowered in hard times that might put most "over the edge".

I must say you have a very good philosophy on life.

If we MUST accept whatever life presents for us.. is trying to be happy the same as cheating God? (or whatever Order of life you believe in)
If the purpose of "happiness" is to control us to do certain things and not others -just as physical pain is used by the body to tell our higher executive conscienceness to avoid bodily harm- then unless we are God, or God does not exist/there is no comprehendible 'order' to the world, we are DOOMED to be unhappy (at times) when our donkey selves stray off the path.

This is very sad - there is no escape from unhappiness.
FUCK GOD !!!!!!
(not like it would offend him if he does exist)