[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

"We all get a little sad sometimes" - Jim Jeffries on his gun control bit.

Which was hilarious. Just a shame its broken up into Part 1 and Part 2 on most Youtube videos, have to look to find them together.

I lol'ed for real. don't agree about his home defense point tho, I can access my safe locked weapon in 2 seconds

Originally Posted by Alfisti

It is HILARIOUS but would cause 80% members here to choke on their glock ammunition.

you're just jealous

[4Hockey4]

Have a 16 and 19 yo boys, feel pretty blessed. Miss the 10+ of travelling North America for hockey, its was crazy, hectic and mucho money, but wouldn't have traded for nothing.

Both good humans, no drugs/drinking/alcohol (actually oldest is DD for friends, gets calls at 1am)

Its a lot of work but no Catch 22 here, we had to divide and conquer, as one could have been in FLA with the other in Chicago !!

Only rant is I wish it would have lasted longer.

[KenB925]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

I lol'ed for real. don't agree about his home defense point tho, I can access my safe locked weapon in 2 seconds



you're just jealous

Jim is Great, I also don't agree with the message, but the jokes are fantastic.

If you haven't seen his special alcoholocaust, you are lucky, because now you get to see it for the first time!

Regarding male suicide, there is a book/audio book called "The Boy Crisis" that parents...and middle aged men should listen to.

[RMachuca3d]

Its always depressing to me to see how easy you all have it (for the most part) :\. Good for you guys.

I have 3 amazing special kids individually, but when you merge them together its chaos day in and day out, 3-6-10 year olds, one has aspergers (self taught to read and write at 3, loves astronomy, classical art, reading biographies, architecture and geography, but is an emotional eggshell with a short fuse, the other one is bipolar\multiple personality disorder, reactive attachment disorder and is on the spectrum and the youngest is a mix of both of them in a positive way, emotionally genius, comprehends very complex social situations and emotions, super smart and witty, and has a great sense of humor.... its a full time job keeping this house running, my wife and myself have to be on guard 24\7, cause the two eldest will clash at one point or another and when that happens shit goes sideways quick.... Dont want to get into too much detail, but the shit these kids have put us through is unreal, the financial drain they have all been with the therapies, medications, specialty toys, sensory disorders, flip flopping of likes and dislikes on a daily basis, wasted food, unplayed toys\games, their reluctance of letting go of anything.... its financial torture, emotional torture, physical torture..... Anyways, it is what it is.

[Gray_Panther]

New dad here, almost a year into it and it really is a life of sacrifice. Having children is a blessing, and causes a life of asceticism in the sense you have to give up interests and things you want to do. Now I understand what my father went through raising me. And he never asked to be repaid, he knew it was his duty to raise me according to God's will.

Does it suck that I can't go out whenever I want, go on vacations to party, wash cars, play video games, and etc.? A part of me wants to say yes because those things are fun. But I can see how having children can be a blessing by keeping me home and my focus on God and my family rather than pretty girls, cool cars and amazing vacation spots. And staying home and playing with my family brings a whole different kind of joy, that I would have never experienced before.

I been listening to this podcast, and thought it could help some of us through hard times of sacrificing what we want for our families/children.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by RMachuca3d

medications, specialty toys, sensory disorders, flip flopping of likes and dislikes on a daily basis, wasted food, unplayed toys\games, their reluctance of letting go of anything....

I had to read twice, I almost thought you had 3 CATS

[RMachuca3d]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I had to read twice, I almost thought you had 3 CATS

lol, cats do exhibit asshole personalities too

[jninja]

This tread is why I had to get rid of my F80 M3 haha..

[Marriage, Parenting, police, arrest, firearms, prison, order's of protection...]

I had my first daughter young- too young..by the wrong person- very wrong.. I was 22 y/o, not much direction in life, etc. After a year of my daughter's mother going back and forth letting me see my daughter, on again- off again, I joined the Marine Corps at age 23.. within 2 years my daughter's mother was arrested for burglary, and when i got back from my first deployment her parents [grandparents to my daughter] hit me with a vicious Petition for Custody in family court absolutely full of lies... I fought with money until the well dried, and then fought as a Pro Se litigant...after years of fighting, I ended up with 50/50 joint legal/physical custody at age 27, and honorably discharged from the Marine Corps, and the mother released from prison after about 2 years...and unfortunately, this was just the beginning..things got much, much worse.

While I was in the Marine Corps, and during the custody dispute was especially hard for me, i just wanted to see my daughter- and fear for her being around what i knew as: vicious, narcissistic, abusive people in her maternal family..and from there i decided to make a new mistake lol [not consciously] in meeting someone while i was in the Marine Corps- who became my wife soon after, for all the wrong reasons..i wasn't in love with her, and instead saw as someone: 1) I got along with 2) little/no drama 3) attractive [at the time] 4) seemed to be a 'good person' 5) I trusted [wrongly]

I had my 2nd child/daughter at age 29, and enjoyed having my older daughter [who was 6 at the time] half the time, and my youngest daughter full-time with my wife..this lasted a few years, and things seemed to be good overall, although i grew to resent my wife for many many reasons, including the fact that she seemed to be turning into a Hypochondriac, constantly calling out from work, etc.. while i worked from home, took care of my daughters, was the stay at home parent, and bread winner [home business i started after exiting USMC]..my wife got fired from several jobs in a row, and turned into a religious 'junky'- started church 'shopping', and trying to get everyone in my family to follow her to the various churches she began frequenting...

January 16th 2019 [I'll never forget this date] my wife (out of nowhere) left to take my daughter to some church thing and never returned- the next day 7 police cars show up at our home, with an Order of Protection, seize all of my firearms, and kick me out of my home...depriving me of my younger daughter [4 y/o at the time] whom I had been the stay-at-home parent with since shortly after she was born [I have a home based business online]...and the next saga of family court begun...

My wife received a team of free legal counsel for battered women [keep in mind i had never ever touched her in malice- nor any woman, ever.] She had claimed that i had choked her, beaten her, pointed firearms at her, raped her, etc... yes, all of this completely and utterly false...long story short: i hired and then fired a lawyer within a month [family court attorneys may be the closest thing to 'the devil' that exist on earth], and proceeded over the next 9 months as a pro se litigant...now kicked out of my home, office, daughter taken away [we were extremely close], firearms taken, order of protection, monies drained, child support right away, etc... total and utter shit to say the least... I'm a fighter, and fought tooth and nail, wrote complaints, etc., and took everything to trial which took 9 months, after the first 2 judges recused themselves [1st judge's law clerk was a 'church friend' of my wife's apparently].

..at trial, me on my own, her with a free legal TEAM litigating against me- I demolished them, the judge was appalled during various parts of the trial where lies were exposed, and they came begging for a 'deal' mid-trial [day 3]-- which resulted in me getting 50/50 custody, and completely dropping the false family offense/O.P....

During the course of this- my wife was arrested for stealing all of the money from our daughters bank account which was in my name [E Felony]...meanwhile i have zero criminal record, period. She bought a new car, and i sold my 2018 M3 ZCP to try to get by...all funds drained, mentally and physically drained...

And another long story short- a year after my older daughter's mother stabbed me- yes stabbed me...she has since been arrested, and is facing an A Misdemeanor now...and at the same time turned my 12 y/o daughter against me, and filed a false CPS reports, etc in retaliation, and despite my best efforts there is now a temp order which took away my 50/50 time with my older daughter [i now have zero time- i haven't seen her in 3 months] after having her, and a good relationship for last 8 years...

Now i just have my younger daughter who is now 6 y/o, half the time, and no contact with my 12 year old- there is a trial scheduled for next month- which is a joke at this point...

I have not been a perfect parent/father, but I think/thought I did pretty well overall... i gave them each/individually a lot- time, attention, talks, etc... and it def feels like I've been spit in my face relentlessly, and it was not all worth it.

Be careful who you pick as a partner- any why. Women have a tremendous amount of power, and the one's who are willing/partake in abusing it are a force to be reckoned with. As a father you will be 'guilty' until proven innocent, and looked at as a number/wallet- not a human/parent, by the 'system'...

This is a long post- but i condensed the siht out of it tbh lol...If i could do it all over i would, and it would look much much different...however, we do not get second chances or redo's.. so be wise- don't be like me.

On the bright side, I learned a lot, and i did my best, and I am better in many ways for it...but i can't help but think this all was some kind of nightmare that somehow manifested into reality..I can definitely see why so many fathers/men decide to 'end' it all.

Lastly, there is some happy endings to this grim story in several ways- however, due to ongoing litigation and such, I'm not going to get into it here.

Be safe, enjoy your kids, family, and life..and make sure you're thinking with your right 'head' when you make life changing decisions.

[MKSixer]

That is a heart wrenching story. I truly wish you the best in all of your endeavors and hope that you and your daughters are reunited.

This puts any story I may have to shame.

I know that this is a cold-hearted thing but I get a low-level background check on everyone I go out with more than two times and if we go out longer, a deeper background check and a low-level on their 1st degree family members as well. I was wrapped up in a crazy stalking situation in 2017 and I will NEVER go through that again. Never.

With crazy, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and forewarned is forearmed.

Cheers-mk

[TboneS54]

I work in family law and your story is very familiar, unfortunately. As men, we must take certain precautions and educate ourselves on how the system, law (and culture) work re the family.

Ironically, it seems to be the increase in "alternative family structures" (2 men or 2 women or 3 people of differing sexual orientations/identities) that I believe is actually making it easier on men. Things are becoming less traditional. The percentage of men getting full custody or more custody is growing.

But yes, absolutely take your time in picking a partner! Things change when they have a kid, they just do. Is your girl well rounded and disciplined enough to handle it? It can get ugly fast.

Take note, 20 y/os.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by TboneS54

I work in family law and your story is very familiar, unfortunately. As men, we must take certain precautions and educate ourselves on how the system, law (and culture) work re the family.

Ironically, it seems to be the increase in "alternative family structures" (2 men or 2 women or 3 people of differing sexual orientations/identities) that I believe is actually making it easier on men. Things are becoming less traditional. The percentage of men getting full custody or more custody is growing.

But yes, absolutely take your time in picking a partner! Things change when they have a kid, they just do. Is your girl well rounded and disciplined enough to handle it? It can get ugly fast.

Take note, 20 y/os.

You're a Viking. Respect.

[RMachuca3d]

Damn..... I have a similar story with my ex-wife and a few ex-gf's.... learnt the hardway how society can be skewed vs men with no evidence needed (i understand why though, just sucks that as men we have been placed in a "prove your innocence" as opposed to having to be proven guilty).

Thankfully i learnt from my mistakes and stopped looking for a partner that fit "my dream woman" mentality and let destiny take its course, and its paid off in spades.

[Alfisti]

I have two boys, if I so much as suspect crazy in their partners i will intervene, at all costs. See good men ruined all the time by crazy, there's so much absolute crazy.

[MPOWER5266]

My twins will be a month old Saturday and they have been great and I love them more than anything in the world. That being said, they were annoying the hell out of me last night. My wife handed me our peacefully sleeping daughter when I got home and the second she was in my arms she erupted in screams and wiggling. I handed her back to my wife and she was fine. So I grabbed my son out of his crib and he immediately had a diaper blow out and started crying. I changed him, fed him and put him to bed. I did the same with my daughter, who fought me the whole time I was feeding her, and put her down. I feel like a bad dad since I really only spent an hour with them but it was really frustrating. I hope tonight will be better.

[Alfisti]

That's just babies though, unless you are super lucky. As i said, i did not really enjoy it. I mean i was super proud and super happy to be a dad but found babies a brutal grind. YMMV.

[KenB925]

Babies can be hard.

My first was a nightmare, I remember telling my wife that if all babies were like 'this' humans would be extinct. It seems like most of the parents I talk to that have more then one kid end up with 'one of those' The second kid was quiet and easy, we kept checking on her to make sure she was breathing, the third was like the second.

Its also funny/curious that as time goes by you kind of forget how difficult/terrible some times were. If you try to remember you can, but it doesn't have the 'weight' if you know what I mean.

[Reborn_]

Originally Posted by MPOWER5266

My twins will be a month old Saturday and they have been great and I love them more than anything in the world. That being said, they were annoying the hell out of me last night. My wife handed me our peacefully sleeping daughter when I got home and the second she was in my arms she erupted in screams and wiggling. I handed her back to my wife and she was fine. So I grabbed my son out of his crib and he immediately had a diaper blow out and started crying. I changed him, fed him and put him to bed. I did the same with my daughter, who fought me the whole time I was feeding her, and put her down. I feel like a bad dad since I really only spent an hour with them but it was really frustrating. I hope tonight will be better.

Hang in there man. I’m in the same boat. My first born son is just over a month old. It’s really dejecting when he freaks out with me but as soon as I hand him to my wife, he’s calm as can be. They do have a deeper, biological connection with mom - we know that - but it is so hard to stomach! I just feel like as they get a bit older they will form that bond with us too.

[Alfisti]

It's because the mum is home with them all day, they know her smell. And if they breast feed wll there's nothing closer is there. Kid knows where their bread is buttered.

[Cyberdemon]

Originally Posted by Reborn_

Hang in there man. I’m in the same boat. My first born son is just over a month old. It’s really dejecting when he freaks out with me but as soon as I hand him to my wife, he’s calm as can be. They do have a deeper, biological connection with mom - we know that - but it is so hard to stomach! I just feel like as they get a bit older they will form that bond with us too.

Don't feel like it's personal, at this point it's more about just knowing the temperature and smell of mom more than anything else. If anything, it's more important to spend time trying to calm him down rather than hand him back, the sooner you learn to soothe him (Google baby chanting and buy this book https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby.../dp/0553381466 ) the more you'll realize it's just technique, not something personal.

As soon as I mastered the baby head jiggle and some deep chanting he'd be calm as can be. It's like a super power for those nights where you only get 2 hours of sleep and feel like you're ready to shake them because you're powerless sometimes.

I think people might think the second kids are easier but just don't realize that they became better parents.

Without ranting too much, this stuff is hard. I almost burned my marriage to the ground and was a few clicks away from driving my car into a brick wall things seemed that bad. I invested way too much into success at "work" (and left a C-suite executive position only to dive into an even more horrible and toxic work environment) and didn't invest anything into myself or my family. It took me getting fired, plus a lot of therapy to start to actually re-adjust myself - but things ended up in a much better place. It took me at least 3 months to recover from 2 years of destructive behavior after our son was born.

Ranting aside, if anyone ever needs to talk about things feel free to PM. I made the mistake of bitching and moaning to some of my buddies who "had my back" but gave me an echo chamber of what I wanted to hear and that fucked my marriage up even more.

[MPOWER5266]

Thanks, it was just a rough night. Back at it this afternoon when I get home. Haha

[Alfisti]

My advice is at 4 to 6 months sleep train, it's a tough week or so but changes everything. Especially if the kid is the needy type because he/she will want to be held all night and the second you put them down start wailing. This is a recipe for disaster, it means literally zero sleep and within days your life degenerates into a mess.

I am a tight arse but was so desperate i agreed to the training, it was $1,000 for the lady to come over, guide us through it (she stays 2 nights) and then offer support for weeks afterwards. After 3 weeks of CRIPPLING lack of sleep, the kid went down within 2 nights and was soothing himself when he stirred at night. Fucking best $1K i ever spent.

[KenB925]

Originally Posted by Cyberdemon

I think people might think the second kids are easier but just don't realize that they became better parents.

I used to think that too, and in some cases it may be. Our first had colic, I think she too a bottle twice in her life, and it was when she was basically asleep. To make it worse, my wife is a nurse, and at the time she was working nights. (all the memories are beginning to flood back in) I don't have time for it now, but I could write the longest post in history about the first year or two.

My message to first time parents, if you are struggling with the first kid, it doesn't mean you are messing up, you may just be dealing with your 'difficult' child. (by the way, the difficult ones stay difficult...you have been warned)